A Poison I Drink Often(Sterek)

Above water

Stiles sat in the dark of his room trying to ignore the brunette in the corner. Flashes of his possession clouded his memory no matter how hard he tried to block them out. Sleeping in his old room was always difficult. It was full of memories both good and bad, but the traumas always seemed to be at the forefront of his mind.

He rocked back and forth, his knees pulled to his chest, eyes clenched shut, hands gripping at the shorter strand of his hair. Allison's voice was in his ear like she was sitting next to him.

"Stiles?" Derek's voice cut through the sound, but he ignored it. He wouldn't let Derek taunt him as well. Not again. Derek was alive and well, he could push away the images of him, but Allison, he never could.

"Stiles," Derek's voice was louder now.

A hand touched his arm causing him to jolt back. His eyes flew open, wild and afraid.

"Hey, it's just me," Derek held his hands up, concern etched on his face.

Stiles sighed in relief before gripping the alpha in a tight hug. He forgot Derek was there with him.

"Hey, are you okay?" Derek had smelled Stiles' stress from the next room over.

"It's always so much harder when I'm here," Stiles shook his head, not releasing Derek.

"Is she here?" Derek asked, rubbing gentle circles along his back.

Stiles eyes cut to the corner of his room where the familiar brunette sat in the chair. He only nodded.

"She's not real, remember that," Derek reminded him.

"I feel the guilt more when I'm here," Stiles admitted quietly, dragging his eyes away from his once friend.

"What is she saying?" Derek asked cautiously. The last thing he wanted to do was push Stiles and cause a panic attack.

"That I was weak. I couldn't close the door so it's my fault. I...I let him in..." Stiles' voice cracked at the familiar words, "She and Scott managed to close the door, but I wasn't strong enough. And he chose me because we're so alike. My mind is chaos. Chaos attracts chaos."

Derek frowned as he pulled away from the human, "Listen to me. That's not true. You are the furthest thing from weak. You know why it chose you? Because you are strong and smart. It needed someone that could withstand what he had planned. Allison couldn't have done that. And Scott isn't nearly smart enough to have pulled it off. It didn't even consider how smart you truly were. You were the one who figured out you were possessed. You were the one who left us clues and bread crumbs to follow. He was inside of your mind and you still tricked him. You out smarted the fox, Stiles. There aren't many people who could do that. And in the end, you helped us beat him. You foiled his plan and played the divine move. That's not weakness, Stiles. Do you know how much worse things could have been if it had choses someone else? Like Scott? There could have been so much more damage, but you kept him at bay. You saved more people than you hurt," Derek's hand was cupping Stiles' face as he spoke.

"But I didn't want to hurt anyone," Stiles sniffled as a tear fell from his tired eyes.

"You didn't do it. It wasn't really you," Derek wiped at the falling tear with his thumb.

"But it felt like me. Even when we were separated, it felt like me," Stiles closed his eyes, willing the rest of his tears to stay at bay.

Derek pulled Stiles back into another hug.

"I can't do this, Derek. I can't face everyone. I can't stay here," Stiles' breathing picked up and he started to tremble in Derek's arms.

"Yes, you can, Stiles. I'll be right here with you."

Stiles shook his head. He gripped Derek tighter.

"Stiles, calm down, okay? Ground yourself," Derek urged gently.

"I can't- I can't do this," Stiles' started to hyperventilate.

"Tell me what you hear. Listen and tell me what you hear," Derek stroked Stiles' hair as he spoke.

"I-I hear...crickets," Stiles answered between gasps.

"Good, now tell me what you smell."

Stiles inhaled, "Your cologne."

"Good. Okay, is it a good smell? Do you like it?" Derek continued.

"Yes," Stiles nodded. His breathing slowing slightly.

"Okay, now tell me what you see."

"One of my Mets posters," Stiles answered, his eyes falling to the paper tacked to his wall.

"What player is it?"

"Zach wheeler. He's the pitcher."

"Good, very good."

Stiles stopped shaking as bad and his breathing was almost back to normal.

"Now concentrate on something you feel."

"You," Stiles spoke quietly.

"Yeah, I'm right here. I've got you. And I'll be here with you the entire time, okay? I promise," Derek buried his face into Stiles' shoulder more. Being there for Stiles meant so much to him. It was like a drug for his wolf. He never felt more relaxed than he did holding Stiles.

"Thank you, Derek, for being here," Stiles whispered, "She says you do it out of pity, but I can't bring myself to care. I'm just glad you're here."

Derek pulled back, his eyes meeting Stiles' watery ones, "That's not true at all. I care about you Stiles. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. You know how I feel about pity."

Stiles only nodded. Derek had always hated when people learned of his past, they always pitied him, and he hated it.

"She's not really here," Derek continued, "Allison would never say those things. She loved you and I know she wouldn't blame you. No one else does."

Stiles glanced at the corner where Allison had been. She was gone now, thanks to Derek.

"Will you stay with me tonight? Please?" Stiles knew it was pathetic, but he needed the stability that Derek provided.

"Of course," Derek agreed wiping a stray tear from Stiles' cheek.

Stiles slid over allowing the werewolf to climb in with him.

Derek held Stiles against his chest. He knew Stiles was only using him for comfort, but he didn't care. He would let Stiles use him in any way he felt necessary if it kept them close. Derek would sleep next to Stiles every night as nothing but friends if he asked him to.

Looking around the room he recalled the time Stiles hid him when Scott had labeled him a murder. Stiles felt bad and allowed Derek to stay with him until his name got cleared. It had only taken three days, but he remembered them well. Stiles could have gotten into a lot of trouble, especially considering his dad was the sheriff and it could have cost him his job. But Stiles didn't hesitate. He remembered how Stiles would stand up to him when others would cower away. Sure, Stiles had been afraid of him at first, though he tried his best not to show it, but that had only lasted a few days. Stiles quickly became the one person Derek felt he could trust. Even when he and Scott were on opposite sides, Stiles was there for him, never choosing one side over the other.

He recalled the time Stiles kept him alive when he'd been poisoned, and the time he kept Derek above water when he'd been paralyzed. Stiles never let the fact that he was human stop him. It was one of the many things Derek had come to love.

Now he was the one keeping Stiles' head above water. He only hoped he was enough.

*AN*
Here you go, enjoy!