A Poison I Drink Often(Sterek)

I don't want to talk about it

By the time evening rolled around, Stiles was exhausted. He'd been pretending to be okay all day and he was starting to slip. Allison's voice had been prominent all day, but the hallucinations had stayed at bay, until now that is. Everyone was sharing memories from their high school days when Lydia brought up a memory of her.

"That was two weeks before my death," Allison spoke up from next to the red head.

Stiles stiffened, which alerted the wolves in the room almost instantly.

"I had no idea I wouldn't live to see my next birthday," Allison's sad tone was different from the chastising hateful one she often used.

Stiles tried desperately to ignore her.

"I missed out on so much," Her eyes glistened with tears. Stiles had never seen her cry in all the years he'd been dealing with visions of her.

"We both did," Aiden's voice spoke then as he appeared next to his twin.

Stiles' gripped his hands tightly in fists to keep them from trembling. He wanted to reach out and grip Derek's hand, but he knew he couldn't without arising suspicion. He felt Jackson, Ethan, Malia, and Scott's eyes on him. They knew he was cracking.

The pressure of that realization only made him feel worse.

Derek sensed Stiles' anxiety heighten and he knew the look on his face well enough to know Stiles was seeing Allison. He smelled the sweat start to form on Stiles' brow and heard the loud and quick thud of his heart. If he didn't do something soon, Stiles would wind up in a full-blown panic attack.

Ignoring the voice in his head telling him that Stiles wouldn't want it, he reached over and brushed his hand gently along Stiles' back.

Stiles let out a small sigh and leaned back into the touch, "I'm gonna step out for a second."

Scott got up and followed Stiles out the front door.

"Hey, you alright?" Scott asked closing the door behind him.

Stiles fought to keep his tone from being too hostile, "It's just weird talking about all those old memories."

"You don't still feel responsible, do you?" Scott asked, taking a step towards his best friend.

"I really don't want to talk about this," Stiles answered stiffly.

"It's not your fault."

Stiles clenched his jaw. He couldn't blame Scott for being concerned but he wished Scott would know when to drop it, but he never did. He always had to push it.

"It's not, Stiles," Scott reached out to put a hand on Stiles' shoulder.

"I said I don't want to talk about this," Stiles growled, not caring how hostile he sounded now.

"Nobody blames you," Scott continued.

"Damn it, Scott, let it go," Stiles snapped swatting Scott's hand away. Derek would have dropped the topic instantly if Stiles had asked him to, but Scott wasn't Derek.

"It's okay to be upset, we all miss her," Scott just didn't know when to quit.

"Is everything okay?" Derek's voice asked stepping outside then.

Stiles instantly felt relieved.

"I'm just trying to convince Stiles that what happened to Allison wasn't his fault," Scott explained, "Derek would agree with me, wouldn't you Derek? Tell him it's not his fault."

Derek frowned but didn't say anything. He knew it wasn't Stiles' fault, but he could tell that talking about this any further wouldn't help.

"You don't actually think it was his fault, do you?" Scott demanded when Derek didn't respond.

Derek turned a murderous look towards the other alpha, "I think it's getting late. Stiles why don't you get your dad," Derek answered, not looking away from Scott.

Stiles obliged silently.

When Derek was sure Stiles was out of earshot he spoke again, "You have to learn when to stop. Being here is strange for him. Being surrounded by all these people he hasn't seen in six or seven years, it brings up a lot of memories, trust me, I know. When you all start bringing up Allison, it's gonna make him a little tense. He's got enough going on right now. He doesn't need the extra stress, so next time he says he doesn't want to talk about something, drop it," His tone was stern and low.

"I just want to make sure he's okay," Scott huffed like a scolded child.

"You pushing the issue isn't going to help," Derek snapped.

Scott frowned at Derek, "Are you two dating?"

This took Derek by surprise, "What?"

"You two seem awfully close. Are you two dating?" Scott repeated.

"No," Derek growled. That wasn't a lie, but Derek still focused on keeping his heart steady. He couldn't let Scott know how he felt about the human.

"Good. He deserves someone who can give him a fresh start. Promise me after you're cleared, you'll leave him alone. He doesn't need the constant reminder of what he left behind. He's happy in Seattle. I've never seen him as tense as he is right now. I can't help but think you have something to do with that," Scott's tone was accusing and protective.

Derek's jaw clenched. Scott had no idea about what Stiles' life in Seattle was really like. He'd like to clue him in, but Stiles would never forgive him for it.

"Derek, ready?" Stiles asked then, keeping Derek from having to respond.

-

The car ride was quiet on the way back to the sheriff's house. Derek was still angry about Scott's comment and Stiles was still trying to keep himself together.

"You two alright?" Noah asked as he parked the car in the driveway.

"Just tired, I didn't expect such an eventful day," Stiles forced a smile.

Noah only nodded before climbing out of the car.

"What's wrong?" Stiles asked Derek once his dad was closed inside the house, leaving the two of them in the driveway.

"Nothing," Derek shook his head. He went to step by Stiles, but the human caught him by the wrist.

"Don't lie to me. I'm honest with you," Stiles' eyes were pleading.

Derek let out a huff, "I just don't want to worry you with it."

"With what?" Stiles frowned.

"Scott asked if we were dating," Derek answered looking off towards the road.

"Okay? We're not," Stiles didn't understand why that would upset Derek.

"That's what I told him."

"Okay?" Stiles urged Derek to continue.

"He wanted me to promise that once my name got cleared, that I'd leave you alone. He said you were happy in Seattle and that you didn't need the constant reminder of what you left behind. He thinks you were so upset today because of me being back in your life," Derek explained. He avoided meeting Stiles' eyes, afraid he might see the truth in them.

"He's wrong," Stiles' voice was soft and timid, "Having you back in my life has been the best thing to happen to me. You make me okay, Derek. I didn't want to tell you this, but...when you're by my side at night...I'm not afraid. The nightmares don't come. I feel safe with you. Scott doesn't know anything about me anymore. Nobody does. Nobody but you. So, let him think you're what makes me miserable, cause it's the opposite. Promise me you won't listen to him. Promise me you won't leave."

Derek looked up at a nervous Stiles. His eyes found his lips and he took a step forward. His hand reached out to cup Stiles' face. Derek read the look in Stiles' eyes, wondering if he was about to go too far.

"I promise," Derek responded, his voice barely above a whisper.

"You two staying out there all night?" Noah asked, peering his head out the door.

Derek dropped his hand and took a step back. He swore he saw Stiles' shoulders slump slightly at the distance he put between them, but he couldn't be sure. Perhaps he'd only wanted to see it.

*AN*
Hope you like it!!