A Poison I Drink Often(Sterek)

Distraction

Derek peered into Stiles room to see it empty. It was late and the sheriff had already gone to bed. Derek had grabbed a quick shower, not wanting to leave Stiles alone for too long. Apparently the ten minutes it took him was too long. Stiles wasn't downstairs either.

The alpha shivered as he stepped into the cool air, his still damp hair causing a chill to run down his spine. Or so that's what he told himself. It could have just as easily been the familiarity of this old town at night. A town he'd left behind ages ago and swore never to return to. The things he did for Stiles. He should have known that the spastic human would lead him right back to this very street, but it hadn't even crossed his mind.

Taking a deep breath Derek caught wind of Stiles, a scent that, unlike this town, he never forgot. He followed it down the street, shaking out the last of the water droplets as he did so.

Derek didn't know where he expected to find Stiles, but the graveyard was not it. Perhaps his old loft. Or walking aimlessly through the woods. Maybe even the old lookout spot he and Scott used to go to. But there Stiles was, sitting up against the side of a headstone, his knees drawn up to his chest and his head bowed as if in shame.

"Stiles?" Derek frowned in concern upon realizing whose headstone he was sitting next to.

"Should have figured you'd find me," Stiles spoke, lifting his head so his saddened eyes met Derek's.

"What are you doing out here?" Derek knew it was obvious what Stiles was doing in a graveyard but he couldn't imagine it being the best place to go in his state of mind.

"I've never been here, not since the funeral, anyway," Stiles answered, his eyes roaming the yard.

Derek raised a curious brow.

"I left a few months after it happened. I never came to visit. I felt too guilty," Once again Stiles' head dropped in shame. He reached for a bottle next to him and lifted it to his lips.

Derek's heart dropped. He'd grabbed his dad's bottle of Jack Daniels.

"After today..." Stiles looked up at Derek with a frown, "She was sad. She's never been sad before. It was always angry and accusing. This was no less accusing really, but she was crying. She's never done that before."

Derek knelt in front of Stiles, "It wasn't really her," he reminded him.

"I almost wish it was so I could apologize and know she heard it. I've apologized a million times, but it never feels like enough. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to thank her for being there for Scott and for helping us, and for being on our side of things despite her family history. I never got to thank her for being someone Isaac could trust. For protecting me even though I was a monster. For forgiving you," Stiles lifted the bottle to his lips again.

"Stiles, you were never the monster, don't ever think that you were. And as for her forgiving me, if she could forgive me for biting her mother then what makes you think she wouldn't forgive you for what happened to her, even though it's not your fault. She gets be with her mom now," Derek placed a comforting hand on Stiles' knee so that the human would look at him. He wasn't good at comforting people, he never had been, but he wanted to help Stiles, and he wanted him to stop blaming himself.

"Sometimes, I wish I'd died when he did. Then this wouldn't hurt so much," Stiles bit down on his lower lip.

Derek's eyes darkened, "Don't talk like that. The only thing your death would have accomplished is hurting the ones that love you. Your dad would be completely alone. I know you don't want that."

"He basically is. I live two states away and see him two days out of the year," Stiles took another swig of the whiskey.

"But knowing your alive and that he'll see you again is a big deal. Besides you call him once a week, right?" Derek reminded him gently.