I'm alone in my basement, tormented by an emotion I rarely experienced when I lived: anger.
Even though the anger's diluted by death, it still packs a powerful punch.
The Association say I can't mention my mood, but I'm ignoring them. What can they do, kill me? I don't think so.
I won't be gagged anymore. Having people speak to me in code to silence me; it serves no purpose, other than add to my humiliation and help the Dark Side to their victory.
The Dark side's H Offensive is destroying my existence, my family, and the friends who had the misfortune of meeting me at High School.
Jess is missing, assumed abducted. Toby had a seizure while in the bathroom that lunchtime. Casey's being bullied real bad. Mom’s drinking constantly. Dad's losing control of everything. And I'm lying here, naked and shackled like an animal, locked away from the world, whilst Dad and The Association have what they call a 'Crisis Management' meeting.
Meanwhile, Dale and Jenna flourish. Their beauty, sporting prowess, academic achievement and clever manipulation of social media, allows their popularity to soar – perfect examples of shiny Oregon youth.
My smiling face, with its dead eyes, is splashed all over Dale's facebook page. It's only a matter of time before someone from Hoboken, New Jersey, recognises me as Callum, the promising young guy, tragically killed by a drunk driver. Then, it's game over folks.
……
It’s happened!
As I’m speaking with you now, my body pulsates and quivers as it adapts to its new status. Yes folks – someone else has discovered my truth!
You’re the first to know.
The Helix (1/3 of my soul taken back from Dale) slammed into my body, throwing me round my basement like a thing possessed.
Now, I feel a woozy warmth flood my body as it recovers and reacts to the life that’s been returned to it. I feel almost human again. Yet I'm not fully alive.
......
I need to get out of here before The Association realise my Status and inform Dad.
My days are numbered – and I have work to do.
I want to tell Casey of my reality. She’s one of life’s good people; she accepted me without judgement. For that, I owe her the truth. I have a gut feeling she’ll accept it. It’s great having half a gut back, when fully alive, I always trusted my gut instinct, and I still do now.
With Casey’s help, I believe we could find Jess. If I’m going to be leaving this world for the second time sometime soon, I want to achieve something positive.
Jenna told me to ‘Man up,’ well, that’s just what I intend to do. I’ll show them what a man of honour I am; I’ll give them a glimpse of good guy Callum, my living self.
With Toby back in Hospital, I’ve been taken out of school again.
Dad will be down here soon with my morning feed. I’ll be ready for him – I’m going out today – whether he and The Association like it or not.
……
I stare at my face in the mirror; a hint of pink adds warmth to my deathly grey, and the smallest sparkle flickers in my eyes. The make-up I apply sits better on this face. Best of all, when I smile, I see it reach my eyes, it kind of looks real – I almost look alive.
Yes, I do feel bad for over-powering Dad and shackling him in my basement, but it had to be done; please understand – I'm here on borrowed time now.
Mom’s in an alcohol induced sleep, she’ll be out for most of the day I guess; still, I lock her room, just to be sure.
……
I leave early, to meet Casey at her house as she leaves for school. The fresh morning air puts a spring in my step. I remember life, it was good – precious.
She’s surprised to see me, “Kirk, what you doing here; I thought you were off school sick?” she says, with a smile as wide as Oregon itself. “I feel great now, much better,” I say. “You look great kirk – you look different,” says Casey, looking at me with something like confusion in her eyes.
The Association will become aware of my new status soon; school will be the first place they’ll look for me. I feel vulnerable and exposed standing here on the street. “Casey, can we go some place, not school, somewhere safe - there’s something I need to talk to you about?” She stops, looks at me, puzzled, “Kirk, you sound different," she says, her face full of questions. "That's what I need to talk to you about," I say, while taking her hand in mine.
I feel the faintest flutter in my empty chest cavity as a collection of emotions make a weak return: nerves.
Casey notes my apprehension, "We can go back to my house. Mom and Dad are at work," she says, with a concerned kindness.
She calls school to let them know she won't be in this morning, they're extra sensitive to student no-shows after Jess's disappearance.
While she talks on the phone, I ponder – what I'm about to tell Casey is so profoundly incomprehensible for a mortal human being to grasp; I wonder if my extra soul return has rendered me insane? But my mind is no longer muddled by full death; the lick of life that runs through it has made a decision - and I'm sticking to it.
......
We sit at opposite ends of a large beige sofa. Casey stares in silence, waiting for my words.
I begin, "Casey, what I'm about to tell you requires a very open mind...
...she interrupts me, her eyes lock mine, "Kirk, just bring it, I'm all ears and my mind’s wide open, you know that."
I talk, and talk, and talk. The words pour from my mouth like liquid through my empty system.
I feel almost cleansed as the words continue to spout. Releasing the truth is cathartic.
I stop at the present, my second discovery, “Someone from Hoboken's reognised me from Dale’s facebook page." I drop my head in shame, "I'm this kind of grotesque monster now. I can think, feel, laugh, all be it in a diluted and limited way - but I have these brutal compulsions that I can't control. I think it's best for everyone if I leave this world Casey.”
I wait for the response to my fantastical, paranormal narrative. When none comes, I lift my head and look at Casey. She's crying.
Her sobs slowly subside. I lower my head again. My heart hurts.
Eventually, Casey breaks the agonizing quiet, “Look at me Kirk.” I lift my head, and stare into Casey’s tear stained eyes, searching for an answer.
A sad smile smudges her beautiful face, “I'm so sorry Kirk, It was me - I guessed your status.”
