Little Blue Space Boy

Chapter 5

//Lance's POV//

 I picked my plate up and got out of my seat. Everyone was too engrossed in the conversation about Shiro's achievements to notice I was leaving. I put the plate on the counter and went straight to my room. I could feel myself slipping deeper into little space. I locked my bedroom door as I arrived. I slid down the door and I just began to cry. I felt unwanted and useless; unneeded. No one pays attention to me, besides Keith. But that only started recently. Before then, I was on my own. The fourteen year old of the group was the one to make sure Pidge went to sleep, to keep Shiro and Keith from over working, to make sure Hunk takes a break from cooking, and to be an outlet for Allura to taker her anger out on. But who was there for me? As selfish as it sounds, I want attention too. Who was there whenever I had a night terror that left me bawling my eyes out, who was there during my panic attacks, who was there to stop me from cutting, who was there to make sure I've actually been eating and sleeping? Besides Scout, no one. Scout is like the only one I can actually count on, if only he could talk. I crawled over to my night stand, and began to diaper myself like I used to whenever I slipped. I threw on a random long sleeved onesie and plopped onto my bed. I grabbed my Paci from between the books and began to gently suckle on it as I cried. I felt so utterly useless. What would the rest of the team do if they found out about me age regressing? I held onto Scout a bit tighter as numerous scenarios rushed through my head. 

 "Lance," I hear a voice call from the outside of my door. "You okay, what happened? You just left so suddenly," the voice said. He noticed? Someone noticed me this time? 

Keith walked through my door as it opened with its usual "whoosh" sound. He saw me crying and rushed over. I was immediately brought into his arms. "What happened, what's wrong, why are crying," his voice was gentle, but frantic. He didn't understand why I was crying. I mewled a bit and squirmed in his firm hold. Tears streamed down my face as he rocked me. Back in forth. It was lulling me to sleep. But I didn't want to sleep. Keith whispered things like "no one's going to hurt you," or "it's alright, I've got you." Although the words were comforting, it didn't ease my cries. It couldn't fix my broken mind. None of it could. Nothing could. I heard footsteps outside my door and I tried to hide myself in Keith's chest. 

"Are you okay Keith, I saw you walk into Lance's room," Shiro asked.

"I'm fine Shiro," Keith replied. The footsteps continued to walk away from my door. 

"Lance it's alright, I've got you. No one is ever going to hurt you, I'm here now. I'm going to protect you," he said gently. How can he protect me from myself? 

After a while my crying ceased. Keith continued to rock me. Why can't I be more productive, why can't I be more helpful, why do I have to be so fucking useless?  Why do I have to be so replaceable? Keith's hand stroked my cheek as I hiccuped. His gently shushing was calming to me. 

I was completely calm, just staring into the distance as Keith looked down at me while continuing to rock me. I felt so small. His strong hold cradled me, making me feel safe. His heartbeat was legit music to my ears. 

"Why were you crying," he asked me. His eyes were full of worry. He looked genuinely concerned. I'm scared. I'm scared to tell him. Scared that if I do, he'll leave me. Scared that he'll leave and turn out to be just like everyone else. I looked up at him completely. I pulled his face down as my hands were on the sides of his cheeks. 

"Do you think I'm useless," I whispered. His eyes widened. 

"What?! No, why the heck would you ever think you're useless? You're our Sharpshooter!" He countered. 

"Do you think I deserve to be a paladin," I asked. He nodded vigorously.

"Do you think anyone else on this castle/ship will ever notice me, notice that I'm not as happy as I show? Notice I'm not as perfect as everyone presumes?" I whispered again. His eyes softened.

"You feel out of place don't you? Like nobody cares about you?" He asked gently. I nodded. He lied against the wall and cupped my cheeks. 

"I care, and no matter what you think about yourself, I think you're amazing. You do so much for everyone else. Its time someone does something for you. You try so hard to take care of everyone else and you're neglecting yourself. Lance, I know it's hard for you accept it, but please, Lance you're the most valuable team member here, you bring everyone together, you make sure this team doesn't fall apart, hell, half the time this team has been using you as an emotional punching bag. But you already knew that, and now, I want you to use me as your emotional punching bag. Cry your heart out, scream at me until you feel better, the point is, I'm here now. I want you to trust me, I want you to feel safe around me, I-I want you to be MY little, my little boy," He said.

My eyes widened. He wanted me to be his little? Like he wanted me to be his little like for good? He wants this to be official? I thought it was just a temporary thing, I mean not that I mind him being my official caretaker, I just... wow. 

"You want to be my official caretaker," I asked. I hated how small my voice sounded. 

"I want to be your daddy, little one. I want to be the one you come to for protection, for cuddles, the person you rely on. I want you to be my... boyfriend and my little," he confessed. He looked nervous, "Are you okay with that? I mean... you don't have to say yes or anything, I just, though that.... I just thought I should let you know how I feel."

 I did something I didn't think I'd ever do. 

I pulled his face down so that our noses were touching and... I kissed him. It was rough, it was passionate, but above all, it was perfect.

                                                         "I'll be your little boy."