Don't Let Me...

Chapter 5 - Fangirling

Dedicated to @misspriss09 thanks 4 everything Lex! Thanks for always being there 4 me

Chapter 5

8 Years Ago

“Ace are you and Austin ready for the Karate lessons?” I heard Robert ask us. I groaned I did not want to go to these stupid shitty lessons and I didn’t need them I think we all know that.      

“Yea Robert we’re coming,” I told him and looked at Austin who looked as thrilled as I was

“I don’t want to go,” he stated

“Neither do I,” I sighed rolling my eyes and wrapped my arm around Austin, “Lets just get this over with ok,” I told him and he gave me a smile and nodded. Robert took us to Karate and like always he stayed and watched us practice. He’s been very strict on making us learn how to protect our selves and fight since what happened and I can’t really blame him. When we finished we back to Robert who without a word stood up and walked to the car.

Both him and Austin had become very distant and Michelle (their mom) doesn’t even talk or do anything. It’s like she lifeless she’s there but just going through the routine, lost in life.

Austin and I both walk after Robert and we drop our bags in the car and got in and drove him in silence. When we got home Robert’s criticism on our skills at practice begun. I could tell Austin was getting fed up with it and he has a temper just like me so I put my hand on his shoulder and gave him the look to calm down. He nodded and Robert went on criticizing everything even I was getting fed up with it at this point.

Before I could stop him Austin went ahead, “I don’t even want to do this stupid Karate dad!” He said.

“I don’t care if you don’t want to. If you would have known maybe you could have helped Dylan and Ashley,” he shouted back and I felt myself go numb and Austin immediately and his face fell.

“I know,” he said. What? I registered that through my head. It was not his fault we’re eight what was he going to do use our amazing Karate skills and do some ninja shit on a guy triple his age who has a gun?

“It’s your fault Austin you should have helped instead of hiding in the closest like a coward that is not how I raised you,” he continued shouting I didn’t notice I had balled my fists out of anger. I counted to ten and took a breath and relaxed. Austin nodded his head as Robert kept blaming him.

“Robert stop it,” I told him quietly. He stopped and looked at me confused.

“Excuse Me Ace?”

“Stop it look what you’re fucking doing to him. We’re eight fucking years old what did you expect him to do to a man with a gun. If he would helped you would have lost him also,” I say gritting my teeth

Robert looks at me and I can see different emotions going through his eyes. There’s shock and fear mostly though and then the guilt and he looks over to Austin.

“I’m sorry Austin,” he says and Austin nods his eyes still on the floor

“It’s ok you’re right it’s my fault,” he said and then walked away.

Present Time

I was currently laying on the floor bottle in one hand and razor in the other. I haven’t done anything yet I was currently just twirling it around in my hand. I didn’t know what else to do. I know Taylor said it hurt her but she didn’t understand how it made me feel, no one did. The relief that coursed through me & the pain from the cutting lessened the rest of the pain. I deserved this anyways; I deserved it every time I did it. This small amount of pain couldn’t even be compared to what Dyl & Ash went through. Punch after Punch, Scream after Scream and I stayed hidden. Even Carter was braver than I was. His life ended at seven battling fucking cancer and Grace told me about how he was always smiling not caring about anything and going on with his day living it to the fullest.