He makes his way over to me and just hold me. No one says anything. I don't want him to say anything.
Elyza's POV
I didn't want him to hear that, he shouldn't have to. I'm sure when he got ready to adopt a child this wasn't what he had in mind.
"I'm sorry." I say as I pull away from the hug.
"Elyza, you don't need to apologize."
"Yes, I do."
"And why do you think that?"
"Because this is not what you signed up for. I bet you wanted a kid that was happy, a kid that wasn't broken. Instead you got me."
"Elyza, I chose you. You are my daughter, I don't ever feel as if I shouldn't have adopted you. You make me a better person, you make me whole. I have never regretted bringing you into my life."
I nod in response.
Before anyone can break the silence Shawn walks in. "Just the people I was looking for. Elyza, Mr. Paul, and uh."
"Kade."
"Yes, Kade. We usually do a family therapy session so I can get a feel of what her relations are. Is it okay to do that now in my office?"
"Actually do you mind if we wait like 10 minutes, her uncle and friend are supposed to be here. I think they should be part of it." Dad says
"Of course, as long as it's all people Elyza is comfortable with."
Dad nods his head in response.
"I'll see you guys in my office in 15 minutes?"
"Sounds good."
Shawn leaves.
"Who's coming with uncle jake?" I ask confused.
"Jonah."
Jonah. My inner self almost smiles. "Okay."
"Jonah?" Kade asks in a teasingly way.
"Yeah." I reply sitting down.
"When did that happen?" He asks as him and dad sit down as well.
"that? I don't know if it's a that. But him and I have been hanging out more recently." I say.
"nice nice." He says.
"I guess."
"So have to made any friends?" My dad asks.
"Remember the guy at the desk last night?" I ask.
He lets out a small laugh. "Yes"
"Yeah, I mean I wouldn't say friend but he's alright. I just met him, but he's alright."
"That's good still." Dad smiles.
"yeah," I guess.
Dad looks up past me and I turn around. It's uncle Jake and Jonah. I give them a faint smile.
"Hey" dad says standing up. "We actually have to go to Shawn, the councilors office for a bit. It's kinda like a family session."
"Okay." Uncle Jake replies.
"Uh I'll go tell him you guys are here." I say in a hurry and head out to find him.
Shawn is standing off in the corner observing everyone by himself, I make my way over to him and he shifts his body towards him.
"They're here." I say.
"Okay, you ready to head up?"
"I guess."
"Okay" He says walking with me to the kitchen and then we head up to his office.
I don't know why I am so anxious about this all of a sudden. I guess it's because well for one I don't like to talk about the way I feel and what I've been through. I don't like people feeling bad for me, I don't like the attention, I just like to keep to myself about these things.
We all sit in a circle, to my left Shawn, my right is dad.
"So today is the family therapy, it's all about Elyza, she's here to express what's wrong and you're here to listen and to express what you think. It really gives us an idea on how to treat."
He looks around everyone kind of just sits there.
"So does anyone have any concerns?" Shawn asks.
"Elyza doesn't talk to anyone." Uncle Jake says.
"I talk to people." I reply.
"Elyza, you give us exactly what you think we want. You tell us that you're going fine and that nothing is wrong."
I don't reply to him and Shawn decides to.
"Elyza?"
"I understand that you guys love me, I do I understand that you care and that I'm able to trust you. I love you guys back and I'm comfortable around you and I do trust you. But I've gone so long with no one caring that I've been so use to not being able to not express my feelings. It's become a habit"
"How can we help you break this habit?" Shawn asks.
I stop to think for a minute. "I guess try not to push it, I'd be more comfortable if I didn't feel forced."
Shawn nods his head. "Do you mind sharing how you feel now?"
I nod. "I feel like I'm just watching my life go on around me but not being there. I feel as if my own thoughts are my greatest fear. I feel like I'm supposed to feel a certain way and I don't. I love my family and I wouldn't want to have a different one. It's just I always thought I was going to have my-" I stop myself. I always thought I was going to have my mom and dad but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings especially Dad's.
"You're what?" Dad asks.
"I always thought that I was going to live the life I had. I never thought what happened was going to happen." I respond.
"But you don't." Dad responds.
I look at Jonah for the first time since last night. "I don't and I love everyone that is apart of my life now. But you will never understand how far I've actually come. At age 7 I was raped for the first time while being fostered by a man who had done it many times before to many kids 3 days later he brought me back saying "it wasn't a good match and it wouldn't be fair to me." That same thing happened 72 times after. I used to not speak a single word to anyone. I kept my head down and just let people do what they wanted around and to me. At 10 I attempted suicide for the first time, I had just been brought back from another supposed to be permanent placement, this had happened like 20 times and I felt that I was never going to be good enough. I'd never find a family. I made my way to the bathroom after everyone was asleep and swallowed a crap ton of the lady who ran the home's pain killers. I was seizing on and off for hours but I failed that attempt. Since then I've attempted 13 times. I haven't had much good. I want good, and I have good now but I don't really know. It's hard."
I don't break eye contact with Jonah the whole time.
