sun & moon | johnten ✓

six

ten

johnny kissed me like there was no tomorrow. and there was no denying it was the best thing in the world. but it only made me remember why i was even at his house in the first place, i didn't want him to see into my life. i didn't want him to know i was mess, and all the times i'd be late for school or miss it completely was because my home life sucked. i tried to ignore it, i tried so hard to focus on johnny, but i just couldn't.

i felt johnny pick me up slightly, to lay me down on my back. i didn't protest, but i didn't need this to go farther than it already was. i opened my eyes, seeing johnny right above me. he smiled, running his fingers through my hair. i used all my strength to smile back.

"what's the matter? did i do something wrong?"

"nothings wrong, i'm fine. what are you talking about?"

"ten, that smile was not genuine. if you don't want this, please tell me."

"it's not you."

johnny immediately stopped everything he was doing and sat against his headboard. he picked me up once more, putting me between his legs. my back was against his chest, and i could feel his steady heartbeat. he hugged me from the back, resting his chin on my shoulder. i leaned my head back, and my breathing picked up rapidly. don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

"ten! why are you crying? angel, talk to me."

i couldn't speak, though. i just kept crying and straining for air. i just wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. trust me i tried, i legitimately pulled my knees to my chest and hid my face. johnny's grip around me just continued to grow stronger.

"talk to me, ten. i'm here for you, please talk to me. i'm scared."

"i-i didn't let y-you bring m-me home."

"ten, angel, that's okay. i don't mind you wanting to come here."

"it's n-not that."

"tell me baby."

i pulled away from johnny. he looked confused, but i quickly went back to him. i wrapped my legs around his waist, while his arms wrapped around my waist. i buried my face into his neck, hiding myself from him.

"you can't j-judge me."

"i would never."

i began to explain myself. i started telling johnny about my childhood, how i really didn't have one. i told him about how my mom left home while i was pretty young. i told him how i felt useless and unneeded. and finally i got to my dad. i stopped, i almost felt bad talking about my father. i didn't want to believe he was mine, he was so terrible and i just now began to realize what he was doing to me. he was bringing my whole life down.

"my father...he's a very bad alcoholic. i mean, he can't function anymore. i'll wake up to music and partying in my house in the middle of the night, and i dread getting up in the morning. i dread finding my own father somewhere sprawled out on the ground. i hate that i had to grow up so soon because a grown man couldn't take care of himself. i hate my mother for leaving me with him-"

johnny didn't say a word, he only continued to rub my back and wipe my stray tears.

"i was late to school the other day, you texted me. it was because of him. i found him reeking of alcohol and drugs, and i had to care for him. that's why i was late. i wasn't okay, i lied...i lied to you, i'm sorry."

"it's okay, angel. you didn't want me to know or pity you, or whatever you thought i was going to do. but i won't be like that. you're still ten, and i'm going to treat you the same."

"thank you-"

"under one condition."

"um what?"

"i don't want you in that house. all he's doing is hurting you, and not just mentally. don't think i didn't see the marks on you. i'm not stupid, ten."

i couldn't leave, i had nowhere to go. i could handle pain, i could handle all of it. it's better than someone else handling it. i know i can make it through, others can't. i'll be fine.

"i can't leave, johnny."

"i'm not going to let you live like this. what kind of person would that make me? the worst one alive."

"i said i can't leave."

"i'll get your things, you don't have to go back. please ten, you can't live there."

"i can't leave him. do you understand what that would make me? a killer, he would die without me."

"he's not going to die without you. i know you don't want to leave your father, but he's so horrible to you."

"67 willows lane."

"i'll be back in a little while."

johnny

i drove 100 miles per hour on a 20 miles per hour road, i was more than pissed. no one would just hurt ten and get away with it, especially not for years. i can only imagine what he did to ten's mother to make her leave. i raced past each and every car that came in my way. i was ready to beat someone's ass at this point. if ten's father was home, he better start praying for his life now.

i don't even know how i started caring for ten so easily, he was just so likable. i was his even if he wasn't mine. i was just drawn to him. he wasn't like any other girl or guy i had taken home before, he was different. he was perfect, and he wasn't afraid to stand up to me or say how he felt. i wanted to hold him, and make him feel okay. i didn't want that with anyone else. i didn't care about anyone else's feelings, not even my own. my world revolved around ten now, and it was so weird. i didn't do feelings, but now he was all i ever wanted. what happened to me, oh my god.

"snap out of it, johnny. you have a job to do."

i pulled into the driveway of 67 willow lane, and there were no cars in sight. i guess ten's father got lucky...this time.