sun & moon | johnten ✓

eleven

ten

i walked into johnny's house, closing the door as quietly as possible. part of me wanted him to know i was home, but i also didn't want to see him. he opened up to me and i couldn't even face him. what kind of jerk did that make me?

i couldn't accept the fact that maybe he really did want me. jeez, he's been taking everything so slow just for me to be comfortable. he's invited me into his house to protect me. and i'm over here thinking he just wants a quickie.

he said he believed love might exist because of me. my smile 'makes people fall in love.' i wanted to be the one he kept around but i didn't want to admit it. i wanted to be chosen not to have to choose someone first.

"ten? is that you?" i looked up to see a sleepy johnny rubbing his eyes. he stood outside a bedroom door i had never been in before. all he was wearing was boxers and i got all the wrong ideas.

i looked down, playing with the hem of my shirt. "d-did i interupt s-something..?"

johnny rushes down the stairs. he started to reach for me but quickly stopped. "oh my god ten, no no. i was sleeping in the other room in case you didn't want to see me...did you not get my text?"

"no, ugh i'm sorry. you should go back to bed, don't wait up for me or anything." i began to walk past johnny and up the stairs, but his hand stopped me. he pulled me back in front of him and just looked at me for a while.

"i'm sorry, ten. i fucked up, i know i did. i continuously fuck up and i wish i didn't. i just want you to want me back. not for a week or a month or a year, but forever."

i did want him, i know i did. but johnny wasn't like any other guy i've been with, he has a shitty past and a shitty home life. he did things i hate and i would've never expected to be with a guy like him. part of me just worried that i'm still just another fun night for him.

he shook his head, not able to look at me. "forget it, have a goodnight sleep."

he walked back up the stairs, and i didn't turn around to watch him leave. i waited until i heard the bedroom door handle turn, and i said what i needed to say.

"johnny, if you want me then don't leave me alone."

"huh?"

"stay with me. don't make me sleep alone, hold me. i need you too."

johnny

"is this okay?"

"johnny you're allowed to put your arm around my waist, it's perfectly okay."

i took a deep breath, i know i was being weird but i didn't want to do anything wrong. i wrapped my arm around ten, placing my hand on his bare stomach. his back pressed against my chest and i felt better again.

even though ten was with me again, i couldn't fall asleep. something was off, something wasn't right. i couldn't get over the fact that ten felt like i didn't want him.

i felt ten shuffle beneath my arm, and he started to turn around. he looked up at me, our faces only inches apart. "go to sleep so i can tell you how much i love you without you hearing me."

"y-you what..?"

"you heard me. now close your eyes and go to sleep."

he reached up, running his finger along my jawline. my arms tightened around him, and we were closer than ever. i wanted to kiss him.

so i did.

our lips connected the same as before, but the feeling was different. i pulled away, leaving ten wide eyed looking up at me.

"i'm in love with you, ten."

and with that, i pulled him on top of me and kissed him like never before.