I Loved You First (A Rooney Mara Fanfiction) GXG

The Breakup

SAM

Ding!

The doors of the elevator swung open before me. My feet started to walk on their own. I looked at my right and I could see the lobby personnel with a name tag on her chest "Linda" smile at me. I decided to smile back.

The guard of the building opened the wide glass door with golden brass for me. A strong gust of cold wind hit my face and blew my hair into all directions.

The street was crowded with lots of men wearing ties carrying suitcases. I saw a tall girl in a brown leather jacket carrying her cute poodle on a leash, heading to my left. A young boy wearing a Yankee cap stared at me as he licked the ice cream he got in his tiny hands.

Rooney broke up with me.

I slowly made my way through the crowd, heading nowhere, walking aimlessly. It was slowly sinking into me what Rooney did awhile ago, my face was still stinging painfully.

Rooney just broke up with me.

I felt like I want to melt into the unknown. I felt so hopeless, so drained. It all happened so fast. I never got to defend myself to Rooney. I never got to fight back for the love we lost.

I stopped and an older man bumped into my back and cursed. "Can't you see I'm in a hurry, young lady?"

I apologized but he was already a few feet away from me. I turned my back and hesitated.

I should go back, I hear myself saying. I should go back to Rooney and explain. I should say that we said those things because we were angry and that it was normal. It was a normal fight for a normal couple. It's normal for a couple to have these fights.

But we're not a normal couple.

I heard my phone rang and my heart skipped a beat, expecting it to be from Rooney.

Please, let it be Rooney. But it wasn't her.

"Hey," I said, walking to a nearby post where I could stand freely without anyone bumping me.

"Your brother called," Elizabeth, my best friend, said through the speakers. "I heard you were about to say no to Rooney's current project. What happened? Did she agree? Well, of course, she wouldn't, right? You could have at least considered her decisions, Sam, I mean, don't get this the wrong way because you know I love you and all,... but maybe, she could do the role without you being too nosy about it. I mean, it's her job, right?"

ROONEY

"Are you hearing what you're saying right now?" Sam says. Her voice sounds hurt and I want to hug her right now. But I'm furious. And I can't.

"This is my job. My professional job," I hiss at her. "I can't just give that up because of some silly reasons or doubts you have."

"You call them silly?" I can see Sam's nostrils flaring at a distance.

"I always do this kind of things. You know that. You've watched them!" I can't control my temper anymore. It's like I should shout or I might explode if I didn't.

Sam snorted. "And you still want the whole world to see?!"

"I am being professional. If that's my job, then I have no choice but to do it," I spit back. Sam is now pacing back and forth in my bedroom.

"You always have a choice! But you always go for something that will make me mad!"

"You think I didn't put your thoughts into consideration?!"

"Yes! You have not!"

I exhale through my mouth. I am so mad, I want to evaporate from the spot just to avoid Sam.

"What about the movie proposal on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo sequel?" I blurt out, avoiding Sam's gaze. "I didn't say yes because you didn't want me to."

Sam goes silent. I can still remember how she watched and hated the first one, not because of the story, but the way the movie has treated my character.

"What about that medieval film proposal five months ago? You remember that, do you?" I go on. Another having-to-go-naked-on-a-film scene Sam never wants me to do.

I look at Sam and I can tell she's slowly registering what I am saying.

"I did those things because I cared for you, and now you're telling me I didn't care?"

"I'm not say-" I cut her off.

"Sam, you know I love you, but sometimes, you're suffocating me." There. I said it. No turning back now, Rooney.

Sam's voice is hoarse as she speaks. I can tell she's about to break down and cry. "Suffocating?"

I hesitate but begins to speak. "I'm sorry, Sam... But you are... sometimes."

Sam stops walking and stares at me incredulously. And all I can do is glare back. I can see the sadness from her eyes and I never want to be the one who caused that. I love her. I love Sam so much, it hurts.

"Those are the kind of roles I want because I want to learn and I couldn't do that if I stoop to the same non-matured cheesy films you want me to do," I go on. "I can't go on like this, Sam. I want you there to support me."

"I am," Sam replies, her voice now calm as she walks towards me.

I step back away from her. I don't know if I want to be hugged or I want to stay away from her. Even just for a little while.

"You're being selfish," I say. This word brings back the furious Sam.

"Selfish? You call me being selfish?... So who do you think is more selfish than me? You're the one who thinks you can get away from this... thing... whatever this is right now... not being known to the world?"

"What are you implying?" I rally back.

"Oh, come on, Roon, does your manager even know about us?" Sam asks. So this was all about yesterday's event. My manager asked if something was going between Sam and I and I said there was nothing.

"Sam, I have already apologized to you a hundred times about yesterday, okay? I'm sorry I couldn't do it. I'm sorry I'm scared to tell the truth, I'm not ready yet, okay?" I answer. I really am sorry.

"But when, Rooney? When will you gonna be ready? We've been together for two years now... Or will you ever be ready?..."

I stay silent for a moment, considering my thoughts into place. The hot seat is just turned unto me.

But Sam goes on. "Or you just want to take advantage of it, knowing you wouldn't get as much proposals when your manager knew about you being into girls? Who's being selfish now?"

My right hand flows straight and fast into her left cheek. The sound of it fills the entire room. And I am rooted to my spot, furious and confused, sad and angry.

"I'm sor-" Sam begins but I stop her.

"I want you out of my room, and I want you out of my life," I say, without looking at her.