I Loved You First (A Rooney Mara Fanfiction) GXG

The Last Time I Loved Her

(Please listen to Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler's "you were good to me" song as you read this chapter)

SAM

It had been a week since that incident outside Rooney's apartment building. But I wasn't sad anymore. Or mad that she called the cops on me.

The anger, sadness, embarrassment and feeling of betrayal suddenly disappeared after I woke up that early Sunday morning.

I felt nothing. And I always thought it was even worse than feeling too much.

At least the visits to my psychiatrist had stopped for a while. Maybe the medications my doctor gave me had finally taken effect for the best. I was no longer hurting. But I was also not feeling anything.

Like I was supposed to watch another rerun of Friends series while eating my breakfast. But now, I just mindlessly ate. I didn't even regard my noisy neighbor, who always put on rock music every morning. And I didn't even turn on the heat when I took a shower that morning.

As I scanned my room and looked at my surroundings, I suddenly realized something.

What am I even doing here? I mean, why am I still living here?

I didn't even have onsite work anymore that needed my physical presence. I didn't even have current work anymore. Eric's calls on gigs stopped after that restaurant incident.

I should start writing again. Right. Writing. Always my escape.

I sat on my desk and opened my laptop. I opened word file and started to stare at it for a minute, the whiteness filling my sight.

What am I even gonna write about?

Then I turned to look around my surroundings again. I should clean more often. A new home would be better.

A new home. I looked back at my laptop and searched for the right site. Then I stood up and began cleaning and packing my stuff.

But not before I called Elise and my friends Elizabeth and the guys that I'd be seeing them all soon. For good.

ROONEY

"I rejected it," I say to Kate.

"Rejected what?" Kate is munching the crunchy broccoli I just baked from the oven.

"The film proposal," I say, hesitantly. "The one Sam got mad about."

"Oh... have you talked to her yet?" Kate asks as she takes a seat on the couch.

I shake my head. "I haven't got the chance to.. She won't answer to any of my calls. And she didn't even come to my dinner invitation the other day.... so... no."

Kate stays silent as she eats and watches the current show on the tv.

"I saw her at Mr. Woolley's office though, yesterday.... when I came to visit... to reject the offer...," I speak.

Kate is still silent so I go on talking as I lean my elbows on the kitchen counter. "Our eyes met.... and all this emotion coursed through me like... an explosion....I.... suddenly miss her, Kate..."

I bite back a sob. I shouldn't give up. I can still go to Sam's apartment later and talk to her. That was my plan for the day.

"And Sam was like... she was... she barely notices me or maybe she pretends not to... as she walked past me.... like," I stop, my eyes now watery. "Like we're strangers."

"And you didn't say anything?"

"Well, I tried to.. But I can't seem to know the right words to say...."

Kate goes on eating. Then I take up a seat beside her.

"Are you mad at me?"

Kate just shakes her head. "You're my sister," she says. "And no matter how dump and stupid you are, I still love you."

"Okay... because I'm gonna ask for a small favor from you, Kate," I beg, looking at Kate's questioning eyes.

"What is it?"

"Can you... can you help me.. can you help me convince Sam to meet up and talk with me," I say, almost teary-eyed. I am helpless, I have to admit.

Kate suddenly stops eating as she stands up and brushes her hands.

Then she goes to search for a bottle of water from the fridge and after drinking it, she takes a moment of silence before speaking.

"I went to Sam's apartment just this morning, before I went here."

I look at her, rather afraid of what she might about to say, as she look at the empty white granite sink in front of her.

"I met with Sam's landlord, as she was the one who opened the door when I knocked," Kate says and my eyes start to well with tears. "The landlord said Sam terminated her lease yesterday and decided to fly back to LA for good."

(Song credits - you were good to me by Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler)