I Loved You First (A Rooney Mara Fanfiction) GXG

During

SAM

"Tell me, Samantha," Dr. Sanchez said. "What makes you sad?"

It was my first visit to a psychiatrist.

After that incident at the restaurant with Rooney two weeks ago, I basically shut down. I didn't even call Eric after the gig last night and ask for my share. Because of that, he told my brother about the incident.

My brother had gone worried after a couple of missed calls. Apparently, news broke out and it has already reached my parents. And they had to force my brother to visit me.

He saw me had mental breakdown. He had a couple of drinks with me. He even helped on stopping me making drunk calls or drunk attempts to visit Rooney in the middle of the night.

My brother had always been there. And he left me a couple of messages to try to go see someone about it. And he didn't mean someone to love.

"Everything," I replied. The doctor was staring calmly at me, like she had dealt a lot of worse cases than me.

"Can you cite anything specific?" Dr. Sanchez asked again. She was scribbling and scribbling things on her notepad even though I haven't said that much from our first meeting.

"I.." I hesitated then shook my head.

Dr. Sanchez just nodded and calmly said, "Your brother said you recently broke up with someone you love."

Breakup. My heart broken in two. As if the whole world had to know.

I avoided the doctor's eyes and looked at the tiled floor. I wondered how many patients had done the same, looking at the same old boring white-tiled floor, avoiding the doctor's questions.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" Dr. Sanchez slowly asked, as if I was a little kid who doesn't understand words spoken up fast.

I shook my head and looked at the pictures the doctor had on her table. She has a Labrador. That's nice to know. And a family picture of four.

"You have a wonderful family," I blurt out suddenly. Dr. Sanchez looked at the pictures and gave a warm smile.

"My kids, they're your age now," she replied. Then I stayed silent, thinking about my parents and what they would think about last night.

Dr. Sanchez continued, "You remember taking the pills from your brother's bag?"

I adjusted uncomfortably on my seat. I stayed silent as I slowly remembered the night before. My brother had been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder since our youth. It hadn't been easy for him as it was for my parents. I might have been too drunk and sad that I decided to take a look inside my brother's bags to see if he brought some.

"Most of my patients who suffer the same thing as yours," Dr. Sanchez went on, bringing me back to reality, "had no self control."

"I didn't take any, I swear," I quickly defended. I didn't. But I almost did.

"For now," Dr. Sanchez. "For now, Sam."

I avoided the doctor's glare and scanned the room for something to focus my eyes at.

"What if your brother wasn't there?" she went on. "What if... what if you're still sad after this session and decide to give it another go?"

I looked down unto the floor and muttered, "I know... I know it's not right. But....."

"But what, Sam?"

Then tears strolled down my eyes. "I thought it might stop the hurting."

ROONEY