Playing the Playboys

Chapter 36: The Reason

Trying hard not to fall
On the way home
You were trying to wear me down, down

"I'm going to cry."

Zachary shot me a warning look. "Don't you dare."

"How can I not?" I sniffed, my eyes glistening with tears as I looked at the swimming pool in front of me. We were currently by the community pool, which was open 24/7.

"Just don't."

I ignored him. I started stripping down to my underwear and jumped right in, not bothering to wait for him. I didn't even care if it was a cold night, all I wanted was to feel the water around me.

I let the water take over me once I got in the pool, and it engulfed me like a huge bear hug. I closed my eyes and smiled, just feeling the coolness of the water around me, the feeling of it against my warm skin. I felt myself being slowly lifted up by the water, and when I reached the surface, I felt my spirits being lifted up, too. I laid there for a few minutes with my eyes closed, simply enjoying peace the water was giving me.

After a few minutes, I opened my eyes and turned my head to see Zachary floating beside me, with his eyes closed as well. I smiled when I saw he was relaxed, and so I closed my eyes once again and we stayed like that.

Ever since I got banned from swimming, I didn't even try to set foot in a pool. I thought that if I did, I'd just get sadder since I couldn't swim anymore. I was wrong though. The water had been my comfort zone since I was young, and I just realized I didn't have to swim competitively for me to enjoy it.

When I got tired from staying still for a long time, I stood up and sat on the steps with Zachary following behind me.

"Hey, blondie," he voiced out after a few minutes of silence.

"Hmmm?"

"I've been meaning to ask you this, but I never had the chance to," he began, making me look at him and tilt my head for him to continue.

"Why did you you start this whole deal?" he asked. "No bullshit answers like you wanted to get revenge for all the girls we broke and all that shit. I know you have your own real reason."

I bit my lip in surprise for the sudden question. I never thought he'd ask that, much less he'd care about it. Ever since he found out, his only focus was for me to break his best friend. He never once asked me about why I did the things I did, or what motivated me to do this.

"Why the sudden curiosity?" I shot back, reluctant to answer his question.

"Because I want to know who hurt you so bad for you to do something like this," he replied instantly, his blue eyes electrified with determination.

"Isn't it obvious?" I laughed bitterly. "Of course it's Brett. It has always been him. The first guy who ever stole my heart, and the first one to also rip it to pieces."

"But why plan to break our hearts?" Zachary inquired with an eyebrow raised. "What do we have to do with Brett hurting you?"

I looked down. "I thought it would make me feel better. I thought that if I get revenge for all the girls like me, I'd move on from him and I'd feel accomplished. Don't get me wrong, I really did want to avenge the girls you guys hurt, but along the way, it was more of me wanting to transfer all my hate and anger to guys like you, to make you guys feel what I feel all the time. I wanted someone else to feel my pain so I'd feel less alone, I wanted guys like you to know what it feels like to be hurt, to be heartbroken, to be crushed by the person you loved the most."

"Most of all, I thought that if I broke all of you apart, I can build myself up with your broken pieces, and I'd finally be happy again."

I was breathing heavily after my whole speech, but for some reason, I felt lighter. Maybe it was because I finally got all of those out of my system, I didn't know. All I knew was that I felt better after saying all of those out loud.