Amnesia (Phanfiction)

Welcome Home

Phil’s POV

He’s awake.

I can’t believe it. He seriously made it. 2 years of worrying, hoping and crying.

I have never lived my life in any day of those 2 years.

I barely went out, I barely ate anything.

I lost an unhealthy amount of weight. But all that is over now.

He’s finally awake, and I’m gonna take him home today.

Suddenly something came to my mind that I’ve always been thinking ever since I heard Dan tried to kill himself.

It’s your fault Phil.

I flinched.

It can’t be, can it?

I fought against these thoughts even though I knew they were right, I didn’t want to think about that today, for as long as Dan can’t remember what happened, which I hoped wouldn’t be anytime soon. Even if it was my fault, that doesn’t mean I didn’t suffer that day as well.

­~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~

My phone rang.

“Lester, hello?”, I answered.

“It’s Dan’s mother. Philip, Daniel.. he.. well... he’s not exactly dead. He tried to commit suicide. He jumped in front of a train they say, they found your name carved into his wrist they say. He has a 20% chance of surviving they say. Please come to the train station.”

Then she hung up. I don’t know when that happened but I found myself crying into my pillow.

I didn’t care if I needed to go to that train station, I just wanted to cry. 10 minutes after I decided to go to the station though.

On my way, I pulled myself together, I mustn’t cry. I reached the train station and got greeted by Dan’s parents, both still crying

. “I’m so sorry”, I managed to say.

“But it’s not your fault Philip”, his Dad said.

If only they knew. I just nodded in response and silent tears started running down my face again. From that day on, not a single day was like it used to be.

Not a single day I haven’t been in hospital. Not a single day went by not hoping Dan would wake up any second.

Not a single second passed not thinking about Dan and how it was my fault that he’s in such a bad condition.

So many times I was about to start cutting, but I didn’t because I knew Dan would ask when he wakes up. When he wakes up, not if.

I was sure he will, at least I hoped for it so bad. I needed my best friend back in my life.

~~~~~~End Of Flashback~~~~~~~~

A voice suddenly snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Are we going?” It was Dan.

“Sure”, I said smiling at him.

He could barely walk after 2 years of not moving, so I helped him a bit.

I called a taxi and we waited.

Soon after, the taxi arrived and I helped Dan getting in there, then I placed myself in it.

It was a 10 minutes car ride.

After we arrived, I gave the taxi man the money and helped Dan out of the car and up to our apartment. I showed him his room, but he didn’t seem to remember yet.

“Why does it look like someone slept in there?”, Dan suddenly asked.

Oh damn, I forgot. I didn’t have time to do it anymore, I needed to go to the hospital because Dan’s mum called me.

“Oh erm...”, I stuttered, but there was no answer other than I slept in it.

“Well Dan I.. I slept in it”, I said and slightly blushed.

That might have seemed kinda weird to him since he barely remembers me.

A part of me wanted him to remember me, the other part didn’t want to, because I was afraid he’ll remember why he wanted to kill himself.

 “Oh okay”, was the only thing he managed to say.

It’s not weird that, for the last 2 years, I haven’t slept one day in my own bed, right?

“Dan, I know that’s kinda weird to you now because you don’t know me anymore and everything”

He looked at me and replied “It’s not that weird. I mean my mum called you and told you that I’m awake and why would my mother do that when you haven’t been someone important in my life?”

A happy tear rolled down my face when he said that.

I went to my room and checked my Tumblr and Twitter since I haven’t been on there in a long time.

I missed being on here, but there has been just too much reminding me of Dan. Now, that he’s alright again, I can start it again.

I spent 2 hours on my laptop when Dan suddenly stood in the door frame.

What does he want?

“P-Phil?”, he managed to say.

“What is it, Dan?”, I asked worrying.

“C-Can you t-tell me about the... you know, thing?”

Actually, no I didn’t know what he meant and I gave him an asking look.

He understood and said “The you know, why I wanted to die.” I had no idea how to reply to that.