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i was able to watch the mv after nine hours it was released as i had been to work all that time....
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Once again, Taeyong couldn't sleep. They had been in Japan for a week already, touring around. They had finished another concert some hours ago. Taeyong had tried his best not to show his exhaustion and depression to their fans. He tried to be as cheerful and cute to the fans even if it wasn't his real personality.
He had thought about certain someone a lot. Even though he had tried not to. He didn't want to have the weird feeling he got when he saw or just thought about Jaehyun.
He now knew what it meant. He was falling in love. He didn't want it. He knew Jaehyun didn't want him that way either and it stressed the shit out of him. He hated feeling rejected.
"Hyung, are you crying?" Ten asked from beside him. They were sharing a double bed. Mark had a single bed on the other side of the room. Taeyong sniffled.
"N-no, it's just a cold and stress. Go back to sleep, Ten." He replied with a calm voice, stutters not much heard. He dried his damp eyes quickly and then turned around in bed to Ten. He didn't want anyone to know he was actually feeling so weak.
"Hyung..." Ten looked at him in concern. Taeyong covered his face in his pillow when he felt new tears stinging in the back of his eyes.
"It's j-just so hard. Everything. The tour. Pretending. And- and him." He sniffled in his pillow and then he felt Ten's hand caressing his hair softly.
"Do you want to tell me about it? It'll help." Taeyong turned his face away from the pillow after a short while. He looked at Ten.
"I like him." Taeyong admitted finally. A surprise flashed briefly on Ten's face. "I like him a lot, but I know he doesn't feel the same way about me. I miss him. I want to see him. I want to be close to him. That's so fucked up." He tried his best to keep his composure. Ten didn't say anything for a while, causing Taeyong nearly panic.
"You sound like you're falling in love. I don't think it's fucked up." Ten smiled a little.
"Oh." Taeyong let out. He got up from the bed with his heart feeling weird again. Ten sat up too next to him. "That's really bad."
"It's not. It's-"
"It is, Ten. Don't you get it?" He turned to Ten in disbelief. "I'm an idol. I- I can't date just whoever I want. He's like...no one. Actually - he's a model now- but it still doesn't make it right! And he's a man. That makes it even less right. At least for me...because of who I am. I would be hated. And I-" He stopped when he realised how loud he was talking. He heard ruffling sound from Mark's bed. He and Ten laid down in the bed quickly and pretended to be asleep. Then it was quiet for a while.
