jangmi (장미) ● taejoon

f i f t y s e v e n .

  The scent of liquor and the bitter taste choked him into a state of a drunken mess. His sluggish hand dipped above another round of whiskey on the table while his head is held heavily with numbness to his eyes. His lips are soaked, but he sill feels parched.

"... Jin-ah, let's go home," Jimin says, placing a hand over his. "C'mon, this is enough for today. You're drinking in the middle of the damn day."

Seokjin tsked his heavy head to the side. "... What else am I suppose to do?"

"I don't know check up on Yoongi," Jimin sighs, "... Check up on your men, you're the leader-"

"I'm no goddamn leader, Jimin!" Seokjin hiccuped, snatching the glass and swatting Jimin's hand away. "Look at me, do I look like a leader to you? Huh?"

He takes the last of the liquid down this throat, grunting at the stinging slithering down his throat. He slams the glass down before running his fingers through his hair.

"Your gang needs a leader, Seokjin!" Jimin grabbed the glass and slid it away from the two of them. "You better start acting like one, this isn't you. This never was."

"Namjoon is the leader, he's always been the leader," Seokjin rubbed his face frustratingly before sniffling, "I'm not taking his place. I'm not, I refuse to."

"Namjoon isn't here anymore," Jimin took out his wallet and placed cash on the table before waving goodbye to the bartender. "You have to face the fact you're who everybody is depending on now."

Jimin grabbed Seokjin by the shoulders, forcing him off his seat. Placing his arm over his own shoulder. "Wether you like it or not, you're in control."

"... N-No, no," Seokjin slurred, stumbling out of the bar with rosy cheeks. "I can't do this without Namjoon, I need him back. I-I can't do it without him, I can't do it alone."

"... I'm here," Jimin carries the drunken man onto the sidewalk, dragging him towards his car. "I'll help you, I will."

"I-I can't let him go," Seokjin hiccups, tripping over his own feet. "... I should've let him go! I shouldn't have let you go."

"... What's done is done-"

Seokjin pushed Jimin away. Only for Jimin to find out the man's eyes started to well up with tears. "Do you even really care?" Seokjin asks, "You took him away from me, from the gang. We're-we're taking too long to take him back. I'll never be as good as a leader as him, I know that for a fact. You don't know how much he works for all of us."

Jimin sighed softly. "Seokjin, you're drunk. Let me carry you to the car."

Tears rolled down Seokjin's cheeks with a gaping breath from his lips. "He works so hard even though he's still young," he cries, "You try waking him up everyday on a dining table because he was too tired to even reach the fucking bed. Always having to put a cold dinner plate back in the fridge because the damn man forgets to eat! Always coming into his room to see he hasn't even touched it ever since you've cleaned it. Always having to remind that goddamn bastard he's a human too, but he's too worried about a a bunch of kids being late to school rather than he has a burning fever and needs someone to stay home with him!"

People started to glance over at the two, but Seokjin continues to raise his voice word by word. "I'm never going to be like him!" Seokjin shouts, "I'm-I'm never going to be as kind! As-as Selfless! As forgiving!"

"I-I can't give people a reason to keep living like he does," Seokjin sobbed, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hands. "He's the reason we're all still alive, Jimin. I can't take his place."

He trembled down to the concrete floor with screaming cries, covering his face as his eyes ushered all the tears pent up from the past weeks. Screaming out painfully, his chest stuttering and heaving. His drunken self was vulnerable.

"We have to get him back, please..."

[unedited]