We All Fall Down •An Aidan Gallagher Fic•

•Rollercoaster•

I was contemplating many things at once. I sat, my head in my hands wondering what to do with myself. There was a tight ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach and I wanted to make it go away.
    
I felt uneasy about Aidan. I hadn't talked to him since the day before, when we really just sat in silence. I wanted to reach out to him for comfort but felt my hand stop before I touched his contact.
    
I was in the waiting room of a recording studio waiting for my audition. I hummed the tune to Defying Gravity, attempting to latch onto my starting pitch. I was nervous about singing, sure, but I felt overwhelmingly lonely.
    
Not for long. My name was called and I felt a cage of butterflies burst through my throat. Here's goes nothing. I thought.

I was escorted into a recording studio. I looked around and saw a window, where a few people were watching me. One of them gave me a thumbs up and I nodded.

I put the headphones on and took a deep breath into the mic. The audition had to be A cappella, so I didn't wait before I sang.

The song went well until the final note. It was sharp, very sharp, and I cursed myself for the mistake.

I left quickly and waited for Betsy on the stoop. She promised to take me for ice cream after, but when she offered again I said I wasn't in the mood.

As soon as we got into the house I went into my room. I felt awful. For no obvious reason, an enormous wave of emptiness and desperation washed over me. I wanted to cry, but nothing came out. I stared at the wall and, apparently, fell asleep.

Betsy shook me awake. "It's nine in the morning. Aidan's here." I grumbled. I didn't feel like getting ready.

I pulled on sweatpants and a hoodie. I didn't even bother brushing my hair.
    
Aidan knocked and I grunted. He came in, looking concerned.

"Are you alright?" He said. "You didn't call me last night."

"I went right to bed."

"Ok." He said, looking concerned. "Are you still mad at me?"
    
I thought about it. Was I? I shook my head. "No."
    
He smiled. But I said, "I feel so bad Aidan.

He sat on the foot of the bed and cocked his head.

"I'm empty. I don't feel anything but loss."

Aidan hung his head down. His voice broke as he said, "Please don't say that Leah."

"It's the truth. I have nothing to be happy about-"

"Be happy about me! I know I fucked up and I'm sorry. But you don't need that horny bitch anymore. Cancel her! Make new friends. Hang out with me. I-" He paused to wipe his eyes. "I don't think you realize how much you mean to me."

I looked at him. I tried to feel something, a sliver of joy. All I felt was guilt.

Talking softly, I said, "I'm not saying no. I'm just saying not right now."

My words confused Aidan. He ran his hand through his hair, looking at his feet. "Is there anything- anything- I can do to help?" He looked at me, eyes red.

I felt love. Just a pinprick in the dark ness. But it was enough for me to get up, walk over to him, and kiss him roughly.

He stayed over the whole day.

I was practicing my lines with Betsy the next morning. It was Thursday- I had three days left until the audition. But I wanted the roll, and I was going to get it.
    
Betsy was feeling better today. Craig left for a business trip- they're frequent in the house- and without him nagging a weight was lifted off her shoulders.

"Malt, you know it's wrong!" She said in a high pitched voice.

"Casey we have to risk it. We can't loose this- our one chance. Just punch her in the gut." Betsy said, this time playing a man.

"Are you all aware I CAN hear you?" I Said, the line memorized.

"Malt and I have an ethical Dilema-" Betsy interrupted herself with, "Fuck it Casey, sock her!"
   
She mimed punching me and we played out the rest of the scene. My spirits were lifting. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster.

"You're good, Cecelia. You're gonna get the role."
   
I snorted. "Oh please, as if." She rolled her eyes at me.
    
I checked my Instagram and responded to some comments. I noticed the #ceceliajc hashtag was blowing up. I shared fan art on my story and DMed as many people as I could.
    
I got a text from Olivia, the girl from the other day. It read, "Want to meet at the park? Say 3?"

I checked with Betsy and affirmed the plans, eager to socialize. I had finished my schoolwork and I felt cramped in the house. I changed, again noting my lack of clothes. When I get money, it's time to shop.

I ended up just choosing a black and white striped shirt and black leggings. By the time I was ready I had to leave.

The park was a decently long walk, so I put on a hoody. From the few times I had been outside since my blowup I knew I would be recognized.

I texted Olivia while I walked. She was the younger sister, the one who was my age. She invited me and a couple others to hang because, in her words, "My family vacations are boring as shit."

I arrived at the park I spotted a group of girls. I introduced myself and thankfully no one recognized me.

"Hi!" I Said. "I'm Cecelia."

A/n- Wow, posting twice in a week? Who's she? I hope you guys like this chapter. Do you mind authors notes? It's basically just me repeatedly telling you I want to give up on the story. Enjoy ;)