[Review Requests are CLOSED]
Honest opinions from an avid reader.
Heya!
Welcome to the book where an amateur writer and avid reader gives you an honest opinion on your novel.
If you're looking for some expert advice on how you can improve your writi...
Brief Description: After an accidental discovery, BVB bassist Ashley Purdy and a Hollywood stuntwoman find themselves targeted by a clever serial killer.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
_______
🐾 NON-SPOILER OVERVIEW 🐾 _______
Okay! So, since this is a non-spoiler section, I won't go into the nitty gritty details of your book. Instead, I'm going to give potential readers a brief taste of what they will get if they want to read your book.
One Step Ahead is actually pretty well-written. It's one of the better fanfictions I've ever read, and it's a pretty good feat considering most fanfics are just fantasies of whatever fandom the writers and readers are a part of. I applaud you for that. Also the fact that I don't even have to know who the Black Veil Brides are helps your case with both your story-telling and characterization.
That said, there are a few things that may put off readers.
First is the fact that when it comes to Ashley Purdy and the other BVB members, you write as if you expect the readers to know what they look/act like. Now, that's fair, I suppose, considering it is a fanfiction, but for people who have no idea who the Black Veil Brides are, we're just imagining our own characters because you don't give us any descriptions for us to visualise. Their interactions are also kind of confusing because they tend to mesh into general characters, and it's a bit difficult to keep track of them when there are four or five of them in one setting.
Also, your blurb implies that your main characters are Ashley Purdy and Briar Malveaux, but they aren't introduced, or at least they don't actually have much to do with the story, until six or so chapters in. Your MCs are a little late to their story, and the characters we've been invested in before they came in are not as important, which tends to be slightly off-putting. (More info on this below).
Grammar Nazis will probably leave your book as soon as they open it because of all the misuse of commas in your first paragraph, so I suggest you do a little bit of polishing there. The spaces between the word and the comma, as well as the commas that are either missing or not needed are a bit distracting for someone who's a grammar nerd (like me).
Still, for anyone who's interested in crime fiction/mystery/thriller, I suggest you overlook the fanfiction part of this book because it's written like a standard whodunnit and not a shoehorned romance between someone famous and an edgy OC with a tragic past. For a start, I recommend you go read this book. It's worth a read for people who like this genre, and the development of the mystery is actually really well-done.
