broken love. ➳ j.jk

15

Y / N'S POV

I'm in my room. I'm writing in my diary, writing everything I think, and like, sentences that hit me. Or I try to write lyrics.

It's the only way that allows me to calm myself down. I write everything I can't say out loud.

Now I wrote about how I would kill my father. And also the most horrendous ways to kill him. Even if I never would have done it.

This was wrong. What he did was wrong. What he told me to do is wrong.

I keep checking my phone, no message from Jungkook.
Three days have passed since that day ... from the aggression.

I was still hurt by his behavior. He's a dickhead full of pride. It's the best way to describe him.

Professor Hong has totally ignored me since that day. Indeed, he treats me like the others, finally. But I can't let my guard down.

Jackson always stayed by my side. He never leaves me alone with that professor. He is very supportive. He is a true friend ...

He asked me what happened in the office when my father sent them away. I invented an excuse. He couldn't know the truth.

My thoughts are interrupted by soft knocking on the door. I was about to go and open, but I stop mid way, when I hear who it is.

《Y / n? Are you there?》 he had a broken voice.

《I want talk with you...》

《I messed up ...》he takes a deep breath 《Jackson just told me you needed me ... and I abandoned you ...》his voice was low.

I'm in front of the door. Breathing as slowly as possible. It's better if he doesn't know I'm here.

I hear him slip on the door, leaning onto it. Till he arrives on the ground.

I do the same. In this way we were both back to the door.
We were so close. But also far away.

《I don't know what happened to you ... but forgive me.》 I felt sadness  take over me.

《I am wrong for you.》

No it's not true...

《You deserve someone better, Y/n.》

I want you, Jungkook.

《But ... I can't give you up.》

Tears began to fall from my eyes. I tried to hold back the sobs as much as possible. My cheeks were soaked.

《I will fight for you.》

Don't do it ... I can't fight with you.

I moved from the door, I was on my knees, lightly resting on it with my hands.

《Can I be the one who keeps making you laugh?》

Yes.

《Can I continue to hug you and kiss you?》

Yes.

《Can I continue to love you selfishly?》

Yes.

That's what I wanted to answer. I wanted to open the door, tell him that everything is ok. That I forgave him, that he could hug me, kiss me, touch me. Everything.

I wanted to.

《I suppose you're not inside the room ...》 I hear him sigh.

The tone of his voice was so sad that it broke my heart. Why does our love have to be like this?

So ... broken.

Ours is a broken love.

《Y / n ...》 I looked up, just as if he were in front of me.

《I love you.》

I love you too, Jungkook.

But you won't want me anymore, Jungkook.
I hope you will forgive me one day.

I hear him getting up, sniffling and leaving.
He was crying. Maybe as much as me.

As soon as he leaves further from my room I totally broke down. Crying in my pillow. I was a disaster. My chest hurt, my heart ached.

I just wanted to love him. I wanted to have him with me.

Instead I'll have to hurt him. Yes to save him To keep him from being kicked away because of me.

Why did it have to go like this?