Defiance

1.9

Chapter 19

A L D R I C

Everything about the kiss was wrong.

It was wrong.

My wolf didn't want to kiss Freya. He wanted to be with his mate. The rational part of my brain didn't agree with it either. When Freya kissed me before I met Elysia, her kiss seemed so pure, so gentle, so good. Now it was all wrong.

My body seemed to repeat one thing: betrayal.

I was betraying Elysia.

I stopped.

"No," I pulled away, I stepped away. "I can't do this. I can't kiss you."

"What's wrong? What happened Adric?"

"I - I - Freya. You are my friend. I trust you with my life. I trust you with my soul but this, we can't do this. I can't be with you."

If it was possible to see someone's heartbreak before your eyes, I saw it in Freya. The blue orbs were turning into an ocean; they were wet. Freya blinked.

"I do care for you and I do love you but I don't love you the way you want me to."

"Aldric. What do I have to do for you to break those walls for me? Please. I have never loved anyone else. I can be your mate."

"Freya. I can't love you the way you want me to. It's not possible -"

"But you already made love to me and I know you liked it. I know you liked it. What changed?" She demanded.

In my twenty-one years of living, I had never seen Freya mad. But today, I realized not only had I broken her heart but I made her angry.

"I - I don't know. I just know I can't love you. Not like that." I told her.

I couldn't tell her the truth, but maybe she'll accept this.

"I will wait for you then."

"Freya -"

"Even if it takes an entire lifetime -"

"Freya. I will never love you like that!" I finally yelled.

She stepped away. Then, I watched as a single tear fell down her cheek. I grabbed her arm before she started running away from me.

"I'm sorry," I told her. "I wish I could. A part of me wishes it was you but you don't deserve to be with someone who can't love you wholeheartedly. You deserve someone who can love you unconditionally."

"I never thought you'd say those words. After watching you have all those nights with random wolves, you are the last person to care about loving someone unconditionally. I don't understand what changed."

I almost flinched at those words. After being captured by Heera, I wasn't good at handling the pain. I wanted to numb it in any way I could whether it be through sex or alcohol.

"I - I don't know Freya. I just know you deserve someone better. I can't give you the love you want."

"What do I have to do? Tell me."

"Moon Goddess. Freya. You are perfect the way you are. You don't have to do anything."

She shakes her head. "Just - just leave me alone for a while Aldric. I don't think I can be around you."

I nodded, slowly letting go. Even as she walked away, I watched her wipe her tears. I didn't want to break her heart. I didn't want to make her suffer so much.