Vacancy

13. Waiting.

We said goodbye to Gina, who was still arguing about business over the phone, but covered the mouth piece and hugged us both, thanking us for all the help. We took the last remaining bag of packages and loaded them into Ari's car. "are you coming?" she asked, opening the drivers side door, "we could get milkshakes and do some shopping?" she said, as she looked at my unmotivated expression. Honestly all I wanted to do in this moment, was go home, get into bed and wait for Jai to call, but deep down, I knew he wouldn't call, and I'd just sleep until the next morning, too upset to do anything else. "please?" she pouted and grabbed my hand, the same hand that has been squeezed by Brandon's own large hands just a few hours earlier. I quickly pulled my hand away and shrugged, "yes, okay, but you owe me a shake"

Ari had the 1975 playing all the way to Melbourne, it was calming, and I didn't have to focus too much on pretending I was having fun. "Luke says they're leaving LA soon, and going to Chicago for their first show. I'd love to go to Chicago, like my fave musical is Chicago, how cool would it be to go to all these places?! Anything to leave Aus for a while." Arielle began trying to initiate conversation, but my gaze was held onto a small water mark on the window, and I could tear my eyes away." Jess!" she snapped," are you even listening?!"
I jolted my head towards her and smiled apologetically. "sorry, what did you say?"

"I said, maybe if the boys do end up moving to LA, we could go? Wouldn't that be amazing?" she said excitedly.

"yeah, If me and Jai even survive the summer" I muttered, it was more a thought that I didn't want voiced, but it was too late now. "you're still worried?" she asked, pulling into the car park, and reapplying her lipstick in the front mirror. "I know I shouldn't be, but I haven't heard from him since we 'got back together', he promised to make more effort, but you've spoken to Luke twice since then. I don't understand him Ari. And then seeing Brandon today, like that was weird right?" she put her lipstick back into her purse and leant towards me, placing one hand on my knee, like a concerned mother." Jai just isn't as sensitive as Luke, he gets caught up in the moment, but he thinks about you all the time. He'd never cheat on you if that's what you're worried about? As for Brandon, he's a childhood crush, like you may think you were in love with him at some point, but you werent. Like me and Jordan, were still friends, and that's okay, but you can't think of him any other way. It would never work, there's too much history, you know? It ended for a reason Jess."

She was right, Brandon and I did end for a reason, we just didn't connect anymore, and then the whole 'fuck buddy' thing got too confusing. But we had both grown up and changed, maybe there was still something there?" I'm not worried about Jai cheating, I'm worried of him forgetting about me, like what if we grow apart, what if LA changes him? What if fame changes him? He doesn't need me to worry about, he deserves to be free." I looked down and felt tears building up in my eyes."what if him being away changes me? He's the love of my life, but what if I have to let him go? Its not fair on either of us you know?" I forced the tears away and slouched back in the chair, exhausted of all the over thinking and worrying. "call him Jess. They should be back and packing now, you'll be able to catch him, now is the perfect time."
"I don't even know what to say to him Ari, what kind of girlfriend does that make me?"
I looked her in the eyes and she gave me a smile. "if you're not going to call him, let's go. A few hours shopping will take your mind of him."

She turned off the engine, grabbed her purse and climbed out of the car, she opened up the back door, and grabbed the bag of packages and slammed that door as well. I just sat in my seat, trying to get myself together. Then it hit me, if Jai was too busy and having too much fun to call, then I'd do the same thing. I couldn't let it hold me back, and I definitely wasn't going to let it upset me any longer. We'd broken up for all of a few hours, and I hadn't even been upset, angry, yes, but upset? Not really. Deep down, I'd been wondering about how well we would cope for a long time, even before the boys had left. "right, I'm here!" I got out of the car fixed my hair and walk around the back of the car to meet Arielle. She smirked and grabbed my hand, "you look like you're feeling naughty" she giggled and locked her car, before we made our way across the parking lot. "like the old Jess, I liked her" she looked to the left and turned, leading me behind her and we laughed, reminiscing on older times.