Kadance: Another Tale

5

Slowly the tenor of the compound took on a different tone. The traitor natives gain a haunted look in their eyes, some even dying. Hundreds dying. Jenk advises Kellan to place their bodies outside the compound. "Their bodies will never decompose. We have rejected Dayla and so we will be rejected by her. We won't decompose or even mummify, such as others might. But we belong here. Dig no graves, just lay them as if they are asleep. The land has been set aside for us."

Those that remained true remain at peace, soon they know that they will be free.

The warriors become even more on edge and jumpy although there are no more attacks they feel as if they are surrounded by enemies. The traitor natives refuse to leave the compound, many of which are too sick to do so.

Kellan is at his wits end, he had no desire to cause the death of so many innocents. "Jenk, what can I do to keep them from dying? My medico staff says that they are healthy and don't understand why your people are dying."

Jenk smiles sadly and does his best to calm the upset commander, but Kellan notices the haunted look is in his eyes as well. "They die from shame, Kellan. Physically they're perfect, but spirit wise they wither, they die. They have realized the full horror of what they, we, have done. Some will be able to withstand the shame better than others, but be prepared to lose hundreds, even thousands."

With his words Kellan gets angry, "Dammit! I didn't come here to kill your people." He is filled with impotent fury.

Jenk just looks at him in surprise before he states, "You didn't force us into this choice, Kellan. We each decided which course we would take. A few had the courage to remain true. The rest of us chose to forget who we are. It was our own decision our own choice and we will pay the penalty for that decision. Do not demean us by taking away our responsibility for our actions."

Kellan stops his furious pacing to stare incredulously at Jenk. "How can you be calm and say that?"

"Because, Commander, no man owns me or them. We made our own decisions. For good or ill, it was our decision and not yours or your warriors. I refuse to allow you to accept responsibility for what is not yours to accept. The only thing you're guilty of is coming here," Jenk says firmly.

"But your people are dying, Jenk. Does that not affect you?" Kellan demands as he stares hard at the native in front of him.

"Yes, Commander, it does!" Jenk loses his calm when he replies this time. "I wish I was dying too. My life has become empty, nothing fills it except shame. Long centuries lie ahead of me with this shame to be all that fills me, to keep me company. I'll never see my wife again or see my children grow and have families of their own. Friends lay dying around me and I'm jealous, wishing I could join them. I'm rejected by my mother who will, with her death free her people. So, yes, Commander, it affects me. It will affect me until the day I die knowing I shamed my family." Tears fall down his cheeks.

Kellan is taken aback. He hadn't realized Sareen was Jenk's mother, he'd missed that when Jenk had mentioned it earlier. "Sareen is your mother? But not once has she acknowledged you or you her."

"No," Jenk says morosely, "she won't. I've shamed her by my choice. I had no desire for her to shame me even more. What I carry now is almost unbearable to me. She knows I watch, she knows yet to keep from causing me more pain, she won't even look at me."

Kellan shakes his head at this. "That, I don't get. How would that cause you less pain?" Kellan is beyond confused by all that is happening and just wants to figure things out. He wishes that he had the help of Jayse or Tommy with this. Kadance would know what to do. He's just glad it isn't Dunworthy Holdings that wants to colonize this planet. He really wouldn't want to get caught between Kadance and whatever the hell it is here causing all this trouble and death. If Jenk and his mother is to be believed then it's the actual planet.

Kellan looks at Jenk, "Wouldn't being ignored cause you pain?"

"Yes, more than you can possibly understand or know. I wish more than anything to have her look at me with her loving eyes and look at me like she did those that remained true. But she can't, she is the focus of Dayla and I betrayed her. Seeing a look of contempt or worse disgust in her eyes would pain me a thousand times more. 

"My mother and I were very close, Commander. My betrayal bites deeper into her than you can imagine. The contempt she showed to the others will be nothing to what she'd show me. And that Commander is something that I couldn't bare. So even now, she is showing me mercy."

Kellan just shakes his head. "I'm sorry, I still can't understand how that is a mercy on her part."

Jenk smiles a quick sad smile. "No, it would be hard for you to relate to our culture. Let's see if I can put it in terms of your culture." Jenk thinks for a minute, all while watching his mother.

"Perhaps this would work, Beta Company, your company is very like your family. You'd do anything for them and they for you. You mourn when you lose one. Now suppose you did something that shames you, you betray them and they know it. Now suppose that they, rather than kill you, forced you to live with that betrayal for hundreds of years? Once you betrayed them what would hurt more: their refusing to acknowledge you; or looking at you with contempt and disgust?"

"Ahh, now I understand. Shame is hard enough to bear when you can keep the memory of their love and acceptance. But, if you were to see their contempt and disgust that memory would shatter every other you had. I, would of course, choose as you. Better yet to choose death at that," Kellan says softly, contemplating what Jenk told him.

"That I cannot do. Even though Dayla is cut from me, I am still a leader for those that chose as I. I find myself jealous of those that find release from their shame." The words trail off the last ones spoken in a voice barely above a whisper.