ー REAL NIGHTMARES; nightmares and the episodes between them
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THERE is this downward spiral that happens after a high, at least that's how it always worked for namjoon- soon enough happiness became an omen for a storm that would hit namjoon like a stab to the gut. no to the heart. the nightmares became more intense, they became the ones that made you fear closing your eyes. these nightmares had these effects, a lingering effect on people- on him. they became an ear worm in the back of his mind and ate away all sense of security. all sense of reality and soon enough he could feel the window shattering next to his ear, the harsh impact that left his head pounding. he felt it all.
the sounds and the lights that had his heart racing, the gripping fear that clutched his heart in its thin shaking hands.
it was his fault...
all of this was.
if... if only he could have been able to endure it a bit more. then maybe he wouldn't have been in this position.
namjoon opened his eyes, clutching his shirt, skin soaked in sweat and the entire room felt suffocating. the thought of leaving the comfort of his bed grappled his legs and left them useless. eyelids becoming heavy to shield his eyes and mind from this world but his mind was a whole nother battlefield on its own.
he didn't want to look at the paper on his desk or open his phone on the drawer that buzzed every second.
just thinking about picking up his pencil made his insides convulse. made an anger and a fear bubble up on the surface of his scarred heart, emptiness filled his head and he had no energy to step out his bed. not that he planned to anytime soon but...
why now?
wasn't he getting better?
namjoon wrapped himself in the blanket, staring down at the floor for a while longer. he heard a soft knock on the door. he burrowed deeper into his pillows and blanket, closing his eyes and tried to pretend to sleep. the door slowly creaked open, soft footsteps making their way to namjoon's bed. he felt a hand on his shoulder and he tried not to tense up, yet it was already too late and yoongi was a hard guy to trick.
"namjoon... come on... i know you're awake.
namjoon pushed the blanket off his body, turning to lie down on his back. he kept his eyes closed and didn't speak a word. the silence was thick, like raw and rough wool stuffed between them, itchy and uncomfortable.
yoongi sighed and shook his head, worry creasing the area between his brows as his lips downturned. he placed a hand over his head, running his fingers through his hair. "at least get up to brush your teeth..."
