Jaemin the Icy Prince and Me - Na Jaemin NCT

30. Jaemin's Dragon Step

"When I was 14, I came home early one day. I wasn't supposed to come home that early, but that day, school ended early, and I didn't tell my mum about it, even though I knew about it days before, it wasn't important, so I didn't tell her about it."

Jaemin's voice is quiet, weary, and he leans back against the bench in the park.

"So I came in, and I thought the house would be empty, that no one would be in. My mum and dad work, and I thought they wouldn't be in."

"And then, I heard a sound upstairs, coming from upstairs, from the master bedroom where my parents sleep. So I ran up the stairs, two at a time, I was that excited." He laughs, a hard, harsh sound, a twist to his lips. "I thought it was my mum, I loved her a lot then, I missed her all the time, she stayed out working a lot, and I always used to wish she could spend more time with me, it was never enough the time she spent with me."

"So I burst into the room, yelling, 'Mum? I'm off early today, the teachers let us off early today, I forgot to tell you - ' "

"And the words just died on my lips."

He clenched his fists.

"Because there was someone else in the room with her. A man. Someone I didn't know, that I'd never seen before..."

"They just stood there, and looked at me. My mum's face was filled with guilt, like she'd been caught doing something wrong. Like a kid caught with her hands in the candy jar. The guy looked awkward, embarrassed."

"They weren't undressed, or anything like that. They were fully dressed - I still remember the clothes she wore: a red coat, with a cream scarf, over a long, black skirt. The guy was wearing a pale blue shirt with a grey striped tie...I remember thinking how odd that tie was, how similar it was to my dad's grey striped tie..."

"I stared at my mum. I stared at her for a long time...it felt long to me, it felt like an eternity, but I think it actually lasted only five seconds..." He gives a twisted little smile. 

"And then I turned and walked out of the room."

"I heard my mum calling me from behind, and running behind me."

"Jaemin! Wait! I can explain, Jaemin, please..."

"But I kept on walking. I walked to the front door, right into my dad, who, for some weird reason, chose to come home early that day."

"I mean, it was just weird that he came home early that day. He always comes home at 7 pm, he still does, even now. He's been doing that every single day of his life, and yet he chose to come home early that day."

"I never asked him why he came home early that day. Till today, I never knew why he came home early that day."

"So there I was, face to face with my dad at the front door, and my mum running down the stairs, calling out to me. And my dad just stops, he freezes, and he's looking up, behind me, beyond me, to where my mum is."

"And his face just crumples, it breaks..." Jaemin's voice cracks. "And I turn, and look, and my mum's standing still, not moving, on the stairs, on the fourth step from the bottom..." He laughs harshly. "Funny how I remember that, I used to sit on that step all the time, it was my favourite step when I was little, because it had a mark on it that looked like a dragon with its jaws open, and fire shooting out of its mouth...my mum used to sit with me, and tell me stories about the dragon...she called it Jaemin' s Dragon Step..."

"And she was just looking at him, not saying anything, she looked like she was waiting for him to say something, anything. But he didn't say a word, and that was when I realised that he wasn't looking at her anymore, his eyes were fixed on something higher up, and I followed his gaze all the way up to the landing at the top of the stairs..."

His voice dips very low, until it is barely audible.

"The guy was standing there in front of the bedroom door. He was standing there, looking down, looking directly at my dad. He didn't look awkward, or embarrassed anymore. He looked strong, sure, confident, his jaw was set, his eyes steady, unflinching."

"He walked down the stairs slowly, unhurriedly, until he reached the fourth step, and stood next to my mum, and then he said, in a clear, firm voice, 'Ju Hwan, we have to talk.' "

"But, my dad's eyes fell before that guy's, and he turned, and then he walked away, out of the front door, and out of the house."

"I ran after him, and called out to him, over and over."

" 'Dad,' I yelled. 'Wait, don't go. Come back, you've got to come back, come back home. You've got to come back and talk to Mum.' "

" 'Don't walk away, Dad! You can't walk away!' "

"But, he just kept on walking, he never looked back..."

"So that's it," he says quietly. "He came home after two days. I don't know whether they talked, or not. But from that day on, I stopped talking to my mum, except on school things, or things that were absolutely necessary, like parental approval or signatures. I never asked her about the guy, and she never spoke to me about him. My dad must have known who the guy was, he called my dad by his name." 

"Things went from bad to worse from that day on. They'd always been quiet around each other, but from that day on, they stopped talking to each other. My dad moved to the guest room downstairs, and my mum stayed on in the master bedroom. I don't know why they won't divorce, since it's obvious they're so unhappy together. Maybe they're waiting for me to finish high school... ," he laughs cynically, "...to spare me the pain of a broken home. I guess I'll just have to wait and see, don't I?"

I wrap my arms around him, and hold him tight.

His head droops, and he rests it on my shoulder, like he's exhausted, like he's been exhausted for a very long time.

We stay like that, not talking, not stirring for a while.