Jaemin the Icy Prince and Me - Na Jaemin NCT

60. Jolin's Story Part 1

I was in the garden this morning when I heard the sound of stifled sobs.

They were coming from your garden.

I looked over the fence, and I saw your mum, huddled among the flowers and the shrubs.

She was sobbing as if her heart was broken.

"Auntie," I said gently, standing on my tiptoes, and peeking over the fence. "Are you okay?"

She looked up at me with tear-filled eyes.

"Mina," she said, "do you mind - do you mind if I come over to your house? I - I need to talk to someone..."

I sat her down in my kitchen, and made a cup of hot scalding tea for her.

I sat across her, and held her hands in mine. They were icy cold.

"What is it, Auntie?" I said gently. 

"What I'm going to tell you must remain our secret forever. Promise me you won't tell a soul, not even Jaemin."

"I promise," I said.

She took a sip of the tea, and leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes tiredly.

"Let me tell you a story," she began, in a faltering voice. "It's a real story, a sad story..." She smiled through her tears. "It's my story..."

"It was Autumn 1980. I was 19, a freshman at the Seoul National University. I met Jaewook on the first day I stepped into the lecture theatre. Both of us were Economics majors, and it was a core subject, a Micro Economics lecture that I was attending, and I was late. There was only a vacant seat left in the front rows, so I squeezed in there, the fifth row from the lecturer's podium, and Jaewook happened to be sitting next to me. I was so flustered, and I dropped my pen. It rolled over to his foot, and he picked it up, and handed it back to me, without saying a word; I whispered "Thanks", and he looked at me, straight into my eyes, and he smiled; the quietest smile ever, it lit up his eyes, and I don't know why, it made my heart skip a beat, and I think I fell in love with him right there and then..."

She smiled to herself, and her face softened, and for a moment I almost imagined I saw the 19-year-old girl again, her face flushed with love...

"We became very close, we went everywhere together; we ate together, sat together, went to the library together, and everyone thought we were a couple..."

"But he never crossed the line, he never said that he liked me, he was always so correct, so proper around me, like a good friend...I waited and waited, but he didn't say anything, and we remained close friends. But I knew he liked me, the way he looked at me, the way he spoke to me, the way he cherished me...it was more than friendship, I knew he liked me a lot, but he wouldn't say anything..."

Her eyes turned bleak.

"Then another boy started to like me, a senior, two years older than me. Unlike Jaewook, he showed very clearly from the start that he liked me, that it was more than friendship that he wanted, he started giving me gifts, and coming to my hostel to see me; he was always buying food for me, and chocolates, and things like that, and then one day, he told me that he loved me..."

"I didn't know what to do; I had no feelings for him, I didn't have anything in common with him..." Her voice trailed off. "So I decided to tell Jaewook, to push him into admitting that he liked me. I had waited for a whole year, and I was getting frustrated, but I was still in love with him, and I knew that he liked me too..."

"I told Jaewook, and he said, "Good luck", and then he walked away..." Her voice was tinged with sadness. "He walked away, and left me sitting there alone..."

"I was so angry, and so sad, so I agreed to be the other guy's girlfriend, out of spite, to hurt Jaewook. But inside, I was still hoping that he would say something, tell me to break up with the other guy, tell me that he loved me..."

"But he never did..."

"At my wedding, he was there as my guest, and I couldn't bear to see him looking up at me on the stage, prancing around in my bridal finery. It meant nothing to me, the whole wedding; it was a ghastly nightmare, and I hated it from start to finish, but I went through the whole ceremony like a puppet, a wooden dummy, who smiled and laughed as if nothing was the matter. Inside I was miserable, and I remember my smile dying on my lips towards the end of the ceremony, I couldn't keep up with the pretence anymore. I looked down, and I saw Jaewook, and he looked just as unhappy, as miserable as me..."

"Our eyes met, and I saw regret and sadness in his, and I think he must have seen the same look in mine as well..."

"But it was too late, I was already married, and when the creremony was over, he was the first guest to get up to his feet. He didn't even touch his food - I knew, because I was watching him all night..."

'He came to say goodbye, and he shook my husband's hand, and then he turned to me, and suddenly, he drew me to him and hugged me. He whispered in my ear, "I love you...", and then he was walking away, out of sight, out of my life, and I knew that I had made the biggest mistake of my life..." Her eyes swelled with tears. "I had married someone I didn't love, while the man that I loved was walking out of my life..."

"He was everything I could ever want, and everything I could never have..."