Jaemin the Icy Prince and Me - Na Jaemin NCT

44. What's Wrong with Me?

I smiled dreamily at you.

"Hello," I said softly, so that I wouldn't break the spell.

"Hello," you said quietly, and took the last few steps towards me.

"What are you doing here?" I said, and my heart skipped a beat at the sudden blaze of fire in the depths of your dark, dark eyes.

"I followed you."

"Why?

"I was worried about you."

You stared at me, a muscle twitching beneath your right cheek. It always twitches when you're tensed up, or worried about me.

"Where's Sara?"

"Who?"

You frowned.

"Sara - you know, your girlfriend."

"Oh, Sara..." You waved an arm vaguely behind you. "Somewhere over there, I guess, back there..."

"Shouldn't you go find her? She'd probably be wondering where you are."

"Yeah, I suppose I should..."

But you stood still, motionless, not moving an inch, just staring straight into my eyes.

Your eyes had changed. They didn't look detached or remote anymore.

Instead they were smouldering pools of liquid black, with a tiny flicker of heat in their depths.

I could melt, turn to ash, in your eyes.

"What is this place?"

You looked around you, and then your eyes turned back to rest on me once more.

"It's a hidden spot," I said softly. "It's where the lovers used to hide to be with each other, far away from the prying eyes of the world...at least, I tell myself it is..."

I laughed, a little gurgle of joy, of delight, because you were with me, looking at me with that wild, dangerous gleam in your eyes again, after so long, after an eternity of waiting.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I breathed. "Isn't it just beautiful?"

You took a step towards me.

I looked at you, at the light, at the wonder in your eyes, as you gazed at me.

"You're beautiful," he said quietly. "You're so beautiful."

I looked away, feeling the hot blood rise to my cheeks.

"What's this tune?"

" 'Cheoeum'. It's the piano piece from 'Winter Sonata'."

" 'Cheoeum'. First time... ," you said musingly. "What's the story behind this island? I don't watch dramas," you said softly, smiling faintly, towering over me, your blue jacket flapping a little in a sudden gust of wind.

"Joonsang fell in love with Yoojin."

"She was his first love, and he was her first love."

"He got into an accident, and he forgot her..."

I felt the prick of tears, and blinked them away.

You stood very still, looking straight into my eyes.

"But she never forgot him."

"Then? Did he meet her again?"

Your voice was low, very soft.

You had stepped closer to me, so close that our hands were almost touching.

Slowly, you raised your hands, and gently brushed away my tears.

"Yes, they met again. But he didn't recognise her...he'd forgotten all about her..."

I started to cry softly, amd you drew me into your arms.

"So what did she do? Did she wait for him to remember her?"

"She waited, she waited very long, she'd almost given up waiting..." I sobbed, drenching your shoulders, wetting your jacket. "And then, he remembered, he remembered her, he remembered everything..."

You cupped my face between your palms.

"Then what did he do? Did he go running to find her?"

"Yes, he did."

"Was she waiting for him?"

"Yes, she was, because - "

"Because, he'd told her to stay where she was, and not go anywhere, and he'd come looking for her, and he'd find her, he won't stop looking until he found her...."

The words tumbled off your tongue in a rush, a torrent, tripping, spilling over each other, in their haste to get out.

You stopped, and froze.

You blinked once, twice.

"I - what was that? What did I just say?"

You looked confused, lost.

I hated that look in your eyes.

"It was nothing," I said tenderly, lovingly, and cradled your face between my palms. "You must have watched it before, but you - you forgot..."

The tears swelled in your eyes, and they were spilling over, running down your cheeks.

"I - I...what's wrong with me?" you said hoarsely, putting your hands to your eyes, trying to staunch the tears. "Why am I crying?"

"It's okay," I said softly, and drew your hands down, and stroked your cheeks. "Sshh...it's fine, you're fine..."

"Mina... ," you whispered brokenly, your voice choked with your tears, and then you turned your face, and kissed me.

"Jaemin..." I whispered. "No, don't, Jaemin, stop..."

But you wouldn't stop, you kept on kissing me and kissing me, crushing my lips against yours, holding me tight against your hard body, as if you wouldn't let me go, you'd never let me go...

I broke away, finally, and we drew apart, breathing hard.

"I - I'm sorry," you said jerkily, running a trembling hand over your eyes, and taking a step away from me. "I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. I shouldn't have done that."

"It's okay," I said. "It's nothing, it's no big deal, don't worry about it."

My voice sounded hollow, strained, even to myself.

We walked all the way back silently.

I walked beside you, my hands plunged deep into my coat pockets, so that you wouldn't be able to hold them.

All around me, all along the sides of the paths, the leaves had turned to red, orange and gold, and the air was crisp, and still. Hardly a breeze, or a wind stirred.

How strange, how utterly still it was, such a contrast to the me inside of me, raging, restless, plunged into turmoil by your kiss.

"Mina... ," you said, over the noise, as we reached a huge crowd of students massing about in front of a stall selling hot snacks and steamed dumplings.

"I have to go," I said hurriedly, and walked away swiftly, pretending not to hear the note of pleading in your voice, pretending not to see the misery in your eyes.

I can hear light rain pattering outside, and a thin branch scraping against the open window.

I have come to the end of my page.

I have no answer.

I will fill the tiny strip left here with the two things that mattered today. All the rest pale into insignificance. 

You kissed me. 

I love you.