Boundaries (girlxgirl)

What Now?

Haley parked the car and took off down the sidewalk without a word to Tess. Frustrated she slammed the door and yelled after her.

"Haley will you just talk to me?!" ... What the hell was happening?

Tess took everything from the car into the hotel, continuously checking her phone along the way. The room was simple, but had a balcony she stepped out on for some fresh air. Two hours had gone by and still no word from Haley.

Tess left and walked the direction she saw Haley going. "If I was her where would I go?" She began stopping at every bar on the strip, looking for her. If there was one thing she knew it was that without being able to hang out with her friends, Haley would drown out her feelings with alcohol.

After the fourth bar, Tess's feet began to hurt as the only shoes she had were sandals and heels and chose the more comfortable of the two. As she was about to give up, she heard blues music playing from across the street. It was a hole in the wall bar with live Blues music. Bingo, she thought.

She stepped into the dim lit building that smelled of cigars and whiskey. She looked around, spotting Haley at the end of the bar with three shot glasses in front of her and a fourth being poured into her mouth. 

Tess's POV--

I walked through the crowd of people, being cat called and touched inappropriately. The things I'd do for this girl and she had no idea that I was completely in love with her. I walked behind her, whispering in her ear. "Mmmm I know that voice anywhere hi baby, she slurred." I flagged the bar tender down and paid the tab. She was surprisingly more willing to come with me than I expected.

We walked down the sidewalk, having to hold her up as she stumbled over her own feet. I had so many questions but wanted to wait until we got back so she couldn't take off again.

As we walked into our room, Haley started unbuttoning her pants, running into the wall as she tried to keep herself from falling over. I pushed her onto the bed trying to keep her from getting hurt. I pulled her pants off and straddled her as I began unbuttoning her shirt. She smirked as she expected this to turn into something more.

I sighed, "Why did you just take off like that?"

"Why would you put yourself in danger like that?!" she said raising her voice and taking me a little by surprise. For as drunk as she was, she was sobering up quickly.

Tears began to swell in her eyes and I had no answer good enough for my behavior. We began to argue, yelling back and fourth over the situation. Then the argument turned to Matt and I and finally something I never expected her to ask.

"And when were you going to tell what the story is behind the ribbon tattoo on your ankle? You thought you could just hide that? Did you forget that every class I had with you I was able to take in every little detail about you while you taught?"

I felt myself going pale and I felt my body sink in defeat. I was tired. Tired of arguing, tired of hiding and pretending everything was okay.

I leaned forward, lowing my head and placing my hands on her now bare stomach as I held myself up. Tears silently streamed down my cheek and fell onto her skin.

I took a deep breath and said quietly, "I would do anything to keep you safe, even if that meant putting myself at risk. After my diagnosis, I lived my life by doing things that were risky. If I died I didn't want to regret anything. I guess it's been hard for me to think things through that I do, especially if it's something I want or someone I'm completely in love with."

I felt her wrap her hands around my wrists. She stammered, "w-what do you mean your diagnosis? y-you have cancer?"

"Haley you've been drinking I want to talk about this when you're sober. Right now, I'm just terrified of losing you because I've never felt this way for someone ever in my life. I've never loved someone as much as I love you and that terrifies me because you're still young and I'm ready to settle down,  want a life with you. I just... don't know if you can see one with me, especially with everything that's just happened and come out."

She sat up, forcing me to look her in the eyes, but didn't say a word. There was a mix of sadness and desire in her eyes.

"Please say something," I whispered.

But it wasn't words that she used to reassure me. She gently placed her lips against mine, rubbing the tears away with her thumb. Her lips were soft and there faint smell of alcohol lingered on her breath. I felt my body relax as my lips eased into her, our tongues occasionally grazing each others.

I pulled away breaking contact, but not my gaze. I pulled my shirt off letting her know what I wanted. She watched my every move, and made my heart race by how she looked at me. Sliding her hand under my butt, she pulled me against her pressing our bodies against one another.

She kissed my shoulder making her way towards my neck as her hand rubbed my arm. My head fell back as I allowed myself to feel the ecstasy spreading through my body. Suddenly, I felt her stop moving her lips and left them firm against collarbone as she ran her finger over the sun spots on my skin. I've always been self conscious of my skin, but never with her.

I felt the cool air hit me where the moisture from her lips formed before she leaned away from me. Her gaze shifted from my eyes to my arms and then back. She knew. Without having to even tell her she made the connection. She doesn't miss a damn thing, I thought.

Her body language started to shift. Fear. I felt her starting to slip away and immediately pushed her down tangling my body up with hers and kissing her lips. I kept repeating to myself, , "stay, don't go, don't leave, please stay." 

"Tessa stop.."

Here it comes, I thought.

She flipped me, hovering over me as she held me firmly in her hands. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm scared, but I'm here. You don't have to try so hard to keep me.. you already have me, all of me."

Her fingers closed around mine as she lifted them above my head and lowered herself against me. Our lips reconnected as I wrapped my legs around her back. She's right she wasn't going anywhere, not with my legs pulling her into me.

We made love until the birds started chirping and rays of sun started to peer through the curtains. A difficult conversation still lied ahead, but there was one thing I knew for sure and I needed to start making preparations.