My Boyfriend , Atlas .

5.

It's been three weeks since my attempted suicide and everyone has been so supportive. Well almost everyone. Great aunty Kumbukira still maintains that I am demon possessed and am in need of "cleansing " as she calls it.

Doctor Banda makes it a point to tell me everytime how good I'm doing on every visit to his office. Today is one of those days . A visit to his office.

I get out of the house and Wanzeru is standing outside by his range rover . He is still as handsome as I remember . My mother has a word for boys like him , mnyamata wokongola .

" Hi ", I say avoiding all eye contact.

" Nana Banana , you haven't aged a day , you're still gorgeous as ever . ....", he laughs flirtatiously .

I blush real hard . I had never thought Africans could blush until now , I thought it was a Basungu thing . And there's that old nickname, Nana Banana.

" Neither have you ..." , I say in a choke.

Did someone just turn the heat up? I say bye to my mum and Pa and get into his car . Its going to be a long ride .

" I've missed you Nthochi..." , he says behind the steering wheel.

" yeah it's been a pretty long time..." , I say in nostalgia.

" I was there ...." , he says suddenly.

" I was there with your mum when we found you lying in a pool of blood in your apartment bathroom.... it was the scariest thing I've ever experienced.... I wasn't sure if there was a person to save ... it was a terrible night for all of us..."

He grabs my hand and kisses it . Something chances about his voice . A nuance. His eyes are red and watery , like it's about to rain . A thunderstorm.

" Promise me.. you'll never do that again... try to take your life?"

I nodd my head .

" well then Nana Banana" , he says nonchalantly , " Do you still like to party ?.."

A huge grin spreads across his face. That's the Wanzeru I know . Carefree party god Wanzeru.

" where are we going," I ask.

" you'll find out tonight at 20 " , he laughs .

***

"

People talk about physical fitness, but mental health is equally important. A support group provides an opportunity for people to share personal experiences and feelings, coping strategies, or firsthand information about diseases or treatments..... you're all here to help each other out and share experiences... so who would like to introduce themselve first? " , doctor Banda says.

There is silence for a while when one
Of the women stands up . Her body is slender and frail . She appeares to be in her late 20s .

" Dzina langa ndi Sakhwima my name is Sakhwima... I'm 28.... I live In Ndola but I'm in Zambezi visiting..."

" Hey Sakhwima..." , everyone says in unison.

" I have suffered from severe Anorexia for 2 years ..... and I am also a body dysmorphic.... I've come to realise that Sometimes the worst place you can be at is in your own head. And that ,
Sometimes in life, you just need a hug. No words, no advice, just a hug to make you feel better.
ndipo ndikudziwa izo zingakhale zovuta ... But in the end we will all be fine . " , she says teary.

everyone claps , including me . Something about her is very striking and I immediately think we will be great friends.

Just then a peculiar man walks in . Call him God's second gift to humanity.

He has the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. I guess he must get used to that, the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they looked his way followed by overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. Of course the blush that accompanied it was a dead give-away. It didn't help that he was so modest with it, it made the girls fall for him all the more. Despite all the opportunity that came his way he was a one-woman-man who prized genuineness and thoughtful conversation above lipstick and high-heels. He was handsome alright, but inside he was beautiful. And I deduced all this within 19 seconds of his arrival. Everyone is staring at him , all six of us, men and women .

" Mr Chonde Phiri " ,

"Atlas" , he corrects .

"what a pleasant surprise... why dont you introduce yourself to the group ?..."

" My Name is Chonde , but all my friends call me Atlas ,because Atlas was the Titan god who bore the sky aloft. He personifies the quality of endurance . I'm a 35 year old man and I'm here today because I'm a Sex addict. Or atleast I used to be. I've been coming to therapy for 8 months now and I think I'm so much better than before .
I was sexually abused by my mdzakazi when I was younger and I guess the problem grew bigger over time until one day I just lost control and snapped..... but with the help of Dr Banda...I'm slowly recovering..."

He sits down in the empty sit next to me and mouths a 'hey' . I smile faintly at him . When I hear doctor Banda say

" what about you ,Ntochi ?"

I stand up and adjust my jeans and my black tshirt .

"Hey my name is Nthochi... but you can call me Nana. I'm a health Psychologist or atleast I was three weeks ago... I was depressed and unhappy with myself and nothing was going right ... I'm 32 ....unmarried...jobless and currently living with my parents on their farm ... it doesn't sound that bad because you don't understand what it's like to be part of a culture that dictates whom and what a woman should be . The whole of Africa has an obsession, an obsession that women should be locked up in kitchens and should have children for their husbands. That women should be seen and not heard ... but if I'm going to carry nations in my womb , isn't it only fair that I have a voice ? .." , I sit down and pin drop silence.
Did I just make a fool of myself ? Atlas starts to clap and soon everyone joins him . Atlas my hero .

I get out of the group meeting and Sakhwima is waiting for me there . Her eyes are all lit up .

" I love what you said back there , I think you're a riot ...."

" you really think so?..." , I say palely.

" Lol it's a good thing ! ..... Nana you are phenomenal! .." , she says hugging me . I smile , I think I just made a friend . Five points for gryffindor.