My Boyfriend , Atlas .

13.

Two weeks have passed since Sakhwi's  "Cheat day" . Today is another meeting with doctor Banda.  The circle feels empty without Sakhwi.  Doctor Banda said she's gone to a better place  where " she can get better treatment "  . Having been in the psychology department for 8 years , I know that's code for Chainama.  People avoid calling it what it is because it brings up "bad thoughts" of  megalomaniacs  and insane people.  But that's not the Chainama   Sakhwi's gone to ....or rather the part.  There's  a special unit  a little further from Chainama called Y.A.N.A  which stands for You Are Not Alone  under Chainama that deals with special cases of depression,  anorexia,body dysmorphia,  obsessive  compulsive disorder,  phobias , bipolar disorders and anxiety-panic disorders .

" today , were going to talk about something bad that happened to you this month  and how you overcame it....who wants to go first ? "
Please  not me . Please not me . Please. Not . Me .

"How about you Nana ?" , Dr B says smiling  at me.  Why is it always me. I swallow my saliva.

" Well .... my Boss called me today  .... to tell me that I need to hand in my resignation letter by Monday.... that-", I pause to clear my dry throat,  " that they don't know if they want there company to be associated with my sort ... and It felt like my world is falling apart again.. but I remembered Sakhwi's words  ...ndipo ndikudziwa izo zingakhale zovuta ...in the end will be alright.... and hey .... when you hit rock bottom..the only way is up ..right ?"

Everyone claps and smiles,  including Atlas,  I smile back warmly .  A man stands up , I think his name is Kasuba .  

" This week .... I finally managed to file for a divorce from my abusive wife ....  on Monday were going to court ..." , he says and gently gets back to his sit .  We all clap.

" Today I have a simple task , I want you to confront something..you've always been afraid of... it could be yourself,  a person,  an event,  a venue   or a thing that triggers your mental disorder.... I want you stand infront of it  and tell it that you are stronger than it , that you're bigger .... you don't have to do it right now,  you can do it when you're ready ..... okay I'll see you guys next week ...."

We all walk out and Atlas waits for me by the door .

" Hey Nana ....." , he says.

" Hi" , I say nervously.

" I didn't forget that I owe you a makeup date .." , he says .

" ow it's okay.... I even totally forgot about it...." , I tell him .  I didn't. 

" What do you say about lunch ?"

" I'm not really hungry-"

" hey I promise you'll like it ...." , he looks so hopeful.

" okay...  where ? "

"there's a place I'm sure you haven't ...  been to ..... I know it's weird but there's this little shop called  Blue pink Sahara  it's  over at the other end of Zambezi- "

" ahhhhhh" , I  say cutting him off and jumping into his arms . A habit . I've been saving up for that place my whole life

"Wow... is this our thing now ?...do we scream and jump into each other's  arms ....?"

"Yeah pretty much " , I factually tell him.

" okay then " , he says with contagious laughter , " ahhhhhhhh"

His voice is so high pitched . He actually screams better than me , I'm so embarrassed,  how ??? And most importantly why ?

We get into his car and drive to blue pink Sahara.   What is  blue pink Sahara,  you ask ? 

Only the greatest invention man has ever made after of course,  the flushable toilet . Blue pink Sahara is like... imagine if Galitos , Gigìbonta and bookworld  had a baby.. in the desert  ....except the desert is well pink and blue.

It sounds really cringe , but trust me it's great. It's not a real desert  it's just got  " desert themes" , the waiters are all dressed like arabs and they  all speak Swahili . You know ...it makes you feel like you're in lion king  . And there books everywhere  ,  everything is  bookie  friendly  . You can request for any three books while you wait for your meal .

The place isn't an intense pink , it's a pale almost-white pink with baby blue moments.  The smell Is rich with all sorts of aromas coming from the kitchen . I look down,  okay I now regret wearing a plan tshirt and a Jean skirt,  I look so under dressed. I immediately regret coming out with Chonde.

" Hey... it's okay ..you look okay ...." , Chonde sooths .

We go in And a waiter comes over to  usher us to our sits .

" Let's play a game " , Atlas says.

"Okay" , I say

" a question game..." , he says .
"Okay"

" why  you been dodging my calls ? .... it is it because of the night I left you with Wanji ?"

" yess " , I say. Liar.

" I had to take care of some business...." , he says .

" What business.."

" I found the woman who sexually abused me as a child...."

All the blood drains from my face until I look like a corpse.  Suddenly I don't want to be here anymore.