My Boyfriend , Atlas .

18.

"welcome " ,  Mr mandimu Pafupi the managing director of Y.A.N.A says with a big beautiful plastic smile . His eyes are dancing  in mockery.  He is a creepy looking man,  probably in his early fifties with tired mocking eyes. He is wearing a grand cream white  suit with a red tie .
" Sakwhima  has been waiting for you all morning....everything is all set on the court outside the ground floor ... to avoid disturbing... the other more serious patients.... " , he says with an apologetic smile.

Immediately we get to the court Sakwhima runs to Chonde and he lifts her off the ground in a wave of emotion.  There's longing in his eyes , longing for a sister that never came home .

" Nde nde .... " , she says holding him tight, tears rolling down her cheeks .
" My Sakwhi ....." , he says likewise . They stand there like that for a time  ..when Sakwhima  let's go and heads over to Wanji and punches in the shoulder.

" you thought you could get rid of me so easily?????" , she teases.

He laughs with a huge grin  and slips his hands over her waist .

" I could never really find a girl that can put up a fight like you ..."

" I thought so " , she says victoriously and we all laugh  .
She looks so happy,  happier than we've ever seen her . She is glowing and she's even gained a bit of weight . She pulls me into a painful embrace and she says she missed me quite alot.  We both cry .

" now it's  not time to cry it's time to party!" , wanji says raising his hand in the air .

Some of Sakwhima's new friends join us and there quiet an interesting bunch , they don't look at all depressed.  Infact they seem to be full of more life than us .   If not for the cuts all over their body , I don't see why they should be in such a place.  That's the thing with depression.  You can't easily tell that someone is depressed, it's not something that is stamped on their foreheads.  I was depressed for years and years and it took attempted suicide for people to even know. Mental illnesses are an internal scar and those are the hardest to heal because they are the hardest to see .

" Rose  ...likes Atlas ...." , Sakwhima says wiggling her head on my lap . I am sitting on a couch and Sakwhima is sleeping with her head on my laps.

" Oh what does she like ?" , I say .

" That he treats her like a Queen.....look ..look !" , she laughs point at the centre of the court.

Atlas is there , he is dancing  his  heart out  and Rose has joined him . Rose is a beautiful teenager.  Her hair is cut and her skin is glowing ivory . She is a   stunning replica of a young Lupita.  He smile is everything.  It's so contagious.  There tired of dancing together and Atlas walks over to me

and says , " Rose wants to talk to you  ."

" About ?? .... "

" probably about why her new boyfriend is making googlie eyes with you ..," , Sakwhima says . I punch her in the shoulders . " oww ...  what did I say ???"

" I don't know,  he says " just go talk to her .."

" And you ...." , he says turning to Sakwhima  , " Go rescue your boyfriend from his embarrassing drake-like dances ....."

They both laugh  as she goes over to a dance circle of men.

" Atlas says that you where bullied in high school for being too dark ...." , rose says shyly, " how do you make it stop ...the darkness ?"

I laugh.

" you don't,  you accept it...."

" but boys don't like dark girls "
" honey boys like alot of things  , they like cars and soccer , some like makeup so much they wear it...others hate it ..boys like alot of things , and you can't always be those things but you can always be you ... because the right boy will like you for you..  "

" and if he  don't? "

" the world has enough girls who can do makeup and hair ..it needs girls who can do ...hard  and holy things..."

She looks down at her scars .

" But I can't do nothing  right..."

I grab her and hug her really tight  .

" being raped is horrible,  but letting someone rape your mind is even worse.  You can't control what happens to your body without your consent but you can control your mind.  You feel worthless .....you feel dirty  .... and all your feelings are valid,  you are valid and you deserve every change in the world ... but its starts with you .... no mistake no heartbreak can change who you're meant to be.... "

She mouths a thanks and goes to Sakwhima and Wanji to disrupt their dance .

" I didn't know you could be  such a mum " , Atlas teases .

" I'm not a mum ...." , I say gloomily.

" I bet you just saved that girl's   life .... " ,he says, " you have a real gift you know maybe you should become a motivational speaker.."

" What do you mean ....like join Ted talk Lusaka?" , I say with a grin

"Yeah.."

" I'll think about it..." , I tell him.

" yeah .... here's my Jersey" , he says,  " it's  getting really chilly...." 

We all join the circle of dance and dance the sun well into the evening.  These are the best parts of my days .