It's Not Gonna Fade

Chapter 27

Marie's Position

              Days of treatment turned into weeks. And the weeks turned into months. And the months were long. So long I ran on auto pilot for most of it. I woke up, ate, got chemo, vomited what I ate before treatment, watched Tv, got more chemo, and then went to sleep. Everything seemed to be going fine. The tumors were both shrinking. They were shrinking slowly, but they were shrinking. Everyday was the same. It was boring. It was just me and Vanessa. With my grandparents age they couldn't fly down here, and with Brandon being in brooding school now he couldn't get here either. I miss my family, but I don't regret kicking my mom out when she came to see me. She is the second to last person I want in my life anymore. Next to my dad. Vanessa was so good to me. She was the perfect example of a best friend. She is always there for me. If I had a mental break down, she is there. When I was sick and vomiting, she is there. When I go to sleep, and when I wake up. Except this morning. She wasn't in her normal chair. I didn't think much of it until I here her sniffling in the hallway. Shortly after I notice, Vanessa and Phil both walk in.

               "Good morning Marie, we have some news for you." Phil said in a calm and slightly sorrowful voice. "Good or bad?" I joked. "Well, bad and some even worse." He responded. I sat up to show that I was listening. "Marie, the tumors, uh, aren't shrinking anymore." He said with sadness present in his voice. "They aren't growing, but they aren't decreasing which isn't good." He continued. I swallowed hard, as I realized what this meant. "So what option do we have?" I asked. "We are going to continue with our course of treatment, but we will increase the dosage. Which means, you will get Chemo three times a day instead of the twice a day, and radiation five times a week instead of the three times a week. This will hopefully make the tumors shrink, and shrink quicker." He explained. "But." I said. "Excuse me?" Phil said confused. "Whats, the bad news." I asked. "You won't be able to leave the hospital. So no more musicals, plays, performances, and you sadly can't go home and receive treatment either." He said. 

          "Because of how much radiation you will be receiving, you will become very ill. It will be like your first day of treatment, but 10 times worse. And because you will be losing fluids, and be very week, you need to be in 24 hour care here at the hospital. " Phil said. Tears began to fill my eyes as he said this. I finally got use to my treatment. I wasn't sick anymore. I had some head aches but nothing too major. Now I'm going to be bed bound until I'm able to have the surgery. And on top of that, Aaron was in Iraq and hasn't called me since he told me. I'm honestly scared for him more than myself. 

          A tear rolled down my cheek as Phil finished. He left the room and Vanessa tried to hug me again, but I wouldn't let her. I slowly got out of bed and got down on my knees. With tears flooding down my face I prayed. "Dear lord, I pray for Aaron. I know you called him out to Iraq for a reason, but please send him home in one. I just need you to put a hedge of protection around him. I miss him so much, and I hope that he finds you. Please open his eyes, so that he may see you and all of your merciful goodness." I started. 

        "God, please, I place myself into your healing hands. This tumor that has been put into my body is not work of you. It's of the devil trying to draw me away from you. Please Lord God, you are the great physician. You are the only one who can fully heal me from this. Weather that is through doctors and nurses, or you miraculous healing, it will be from you and only you. Please God, help me through this transition of medication. It is going to be painful and torture, but please help me remember that this is for a reason. If you were to enlighten me on that reason or not, help remember that there is one." I continued. 

         "God I pray for Vanessa and Lindsey. I need you to help them, as they are my care takers. I'm not the easiest person to take care of, please give them the patients and wisdom they need. And lastly I want to pray for my doctors. Lord, their job is not easy and I know you see their struggles.Please give them the knowledge they need to help me, and every other they patients in their care. Oh wait one more thing, I want to pray for our first responders and Military. Their jobs are so necessary yet so life threatening. Please protect them Lord. And give them the strength and the courage to do what they do. I pray all this in your son's most gracious heavenly name, Amen." I closed. 

          I wiped away my tears, before I got back into my bed. My knees were red from me being on them for a good 5 minutes straight. I landed down and flipped through the TV channels like I have been doing for months. I saw Vanessa staring at me with concern out of the corner of my eye. "Can I help you Ness?" I asked not taking my eyes off the TV screen. "Uh, no sorry. But are you okay?" She asked. "Never better why?" I asked "I mean you just prayed for a hot minute, just making sure you're good." She responded. "Just fine. Couldn't be better." I said.