Chapter 12

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^Renee

TRIGGER WARNING: if you are not okay reading about rape and violence DO NOT read this chapter this is the only warning

Watching Sleeper drive off out of town was hard. Harder knowing how close we had gotten only hours before he had to go. Knowing the one person I had truly confided in was gone brought on a range of emotions I hadn't realized I once carried all the time.

The breath of fresh air was gone, I was alone and my anxiety was back with a vengeance. It was crippling almost, and at times I thought I was dying. It had only been a few days I couldn't handle the things I was feeling. It was differently with him being gone like this. The times we hadn't talked I knew he was still around, but with him traveling cross country and the odd hours he could talk it was harder than ever. We were only allotted a small window every night to talk before he had to turn off his phone and sleep in some motel. It wasn't safe for him, and that only drove my anxiety to new and awful levels.

Cal was the one to find me one day, on the floor of my bedroom after a massive panic attack and she forced me to see someone. And here I was sitting in an office decorated with tapestries and odd plants of all sizes. The woman sitting in front of me looked nothing like I thought a therapist would look like, and I instantly hated her.

"you're a mess." She stated after I sat in her office staring at her and all the things in the room. She had a giant fucking zen garden instead of a coffee table.

Her hair was up in a messy bun, tied with a bandana. Tattoos lined her arms, and chest and her hands and wrists were heavy with bracelets and rings. Her was wearing a crop top and a pair of tight mom jeans. She was not what I thought a therapist should look like.

"that's- that's rude."

"we'll," she shrugged. "you're sitting there judging me, figured I'd do the same."

she was right to call me out. I had been defensive since I walked through her door. I couldn't help it and I wanted to find something wrong with her, but to be completely honest, she looked exactly like the kind of girl I would hang out with at the club. Hell she looked like a tall, brunette version of Cal.

I hung my head and stared down at my hands. My fingers pulled at the skin of my cuticles and I winced as I felt my sore finger stung as the open air hit the wound. 

"hurting yourself isn't going to make the time go faster either." She countered. "why don't we start with an introduction, I'm Renee Daniels. I'm a therapist and I'm here to help."

I licked my lips, feeling slightly silly. "I'm Aurelia, and I was raped."

"well, Aurelia." She sighed. "I'm so sorry."

Tears leaked down my face. "I-I think thats the first time I ever said it out loud."

"how did it feel?"

I breathed out letting all the oxygen escape my lungs. "like a weight off my back."

"you've been holding this in for a quite a while then?" I nodded. "what caused you to finally come see someone?"

"Cal- my best friend- she forced me to."

"why not sooner?" She pressed.

"fuck- sorry- theres this guy, and he's been helping me, he's like me he understands but he's gone right now." I blurted out.

"don't worry about cursing here, I'm worse than a fucking sailor." She smiled. "and this guy you say he's like you so he..."

"yeah, he was. I probably shouldn't have said anything." I felt my face grow red. 

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