Keep Me From Falling Apart [Niall Horan]

Chapter Five

“Shirley! You’ve got to turn your music off! You’re disturbing everyone!!” Haley screamed walking past my door.

I could here Opera music coming from Shirley’s room. It’d been getting louder every five minutes. If the woman wasn’t deaf before, she sure was now. I thought about going back up on the roof, but it was 2pm and was probably deadly hot, so I thought not.

I had less than 24 hours before I would be moved up to my permanent room.

I should’ve been repeatedly calling Nicole’s number or trying to get a hold of Marie’s number to try and get out of here before tomorrow morning, but I didn’t have the energy.

Of course, I wanted to leave, to get out of here, but every time I thought of a good reason to try and leave, I would always find a reason not to. I’d been sitting in my room for 5 hours trying to think of something, but I kept giving up on the plans I could come up with. 

These medications made me numb. I didn’t feel my depression, but I also didn’t feel anything else. I was sure this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Like before, I actually felt happy, then I returned home and it was like someone just pushed me in a black hole.

I didn’t even have a room to hide in at home. Adam’s boxes and business things cluttered my room. Not everything was Adam’s though. I accidentally knocked over a box once and a bunch of pictures fell out. They were my parents wedding photos. My actual parents. My Dad, Mike, and my Mom. I missed my Dad so much that I ached. Three days later, I decided to join him.

But I was stopped.

Now, I couldn’t ache for anything even I wanted to. The medications Dr. Shaun had me on were like a giant needle of morphine. I was numb to anything and everything.

Mr. John was out of his room for the day, he had some kind of surgery downstairs, so I occupied his room for him. His room was the same as mine. Plain and simple. It was quiet in there. Peaceful. I left the light off as I sat in the small chair in the corner, my legs up to my chest.

It took Haley about two hours to find me.

“What are you doing in here?” She asked flicking on the light.

“Sitting,” I replied.

“Come on, you can’t be in here,” she said helping me out of the chair.

She made sure I went back to my room before going to fuss with Shirley over the music again.

She’d switched the heavy metal rock now. Haley left my door open and I saw a young guy walk past in the hall, he was headbanging. He must’ve enjoyed that stuff before he was locked up in here. I heard the music shut off. All the beeps and creaks of the hospital returned for a good 5 minutes. Then I saw Haley finally sit down at the Nurses Station and then Jazz music blasted through the air.

Sometimes I didn’t think Shirley was crazy at all. I think she just loved to annoy the nurses.

I wished I didn’t feel so paralyzed, then I would be doing the same. 

I remembered having so much energy. Especially back in New Zealand. When I was around Niall, he powered me like an Energizer Bunny. Now all I did all day was sit in my room, energy completely gone even after a 4 hour nap.

Dinner came and went. But I didn’t eat. I dumped my food in the toilet and flushed it. I wondered how much weight I had lost since I’d been here. I mostly ate about two full meals a day. If that. I had lost my appetite for anything.

It was late enough that I could go back up on the roof and not roast, so I sneaked out when Haley was trying to get Shirley to turn off the Rap music. I figured Haley liked Eminem. Guess not.The sun was close to setting completely. Cars passed on the highway. I felt the urge to just jump in a car and drive. Never stopping until I needed gas to keep going. I wanted so badly to be free of this place.