Keep Me From Falling Apart [Niall Horan]

Chapter Sixteen

Nicole’s POV.

I snuggled under Hazza’s arm. It was cool in the hotel because of how hot it actually was outside. We heard Louis hollering as he made he way down the hall, looking for anyone. We watched as his shadow passed by the door, not thinking to check the supply closet.

Once Louis’ teasing/yelling faded down the hall, I spoke.

“I don’t think he’ll find us,” I said giggling.

He didn’t reply. He was playing with my hand, tracing the lines in my palm. I watched him, comfortable silence filling the small closet. His fingers slid down my hand, to my wrist, tracing my scars. I wanted to tell him not to, but I couldn’t. I don’t think he realized how much my past still bothered me. From years ago, to two months ago.

Every time I looked at those scars, I wanted to just add more to them. Feeling that it was necessary. I needed to do it.

But every time I locked myself in the bathroom, inches from doing it, I was instantly reminded of why I hadn’t yet done it again.

I made Harry a promise. Two months back, when I pretty much sliced my hand off with his razor blade, I woke up in the hospital with him beside me. He begged me to never try something like that again. He didn’t want me to leave him. He said I couldn’t. Said he couldn’t bear to be without me. So I promised him I wouldn’t ever cut, or even try killing myself, again.

And I hadn’t.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered to me, bringing my mind back into the tiny supply closet.

“Why?” I asked, knowing I wasn’t.

“Because you’ve not given in, you haven’t cut. You’ve been strong. Quiet frankly, I don’t think I could be as strong as you,” he said looking up to meet my eyes.

“I’m not strong, I just made you a promise, and I plan to keep it,” I said quietly, interlocking our fingers

“Yes, you are. You’re amazing, and beautiful, and strong, and perfect in every way possible,” he assured me.

I shook my head as he pressed his forehead to mine, looking me in the eyes.

“What makes you think you’re not?” He asked.

“Everything,” I said, looking down at our hands.

“Well don’t believe Everything, whoever she is, she’s poo, and you’re amazing!” He said, clearly trying to make me feel better.

I gave him a weak smile.

He leaned back against the wall, his arm still tightly around my shoulders.

“Does he know?” He asked.

“Who know what?” I asked, confused.

“Niall.. does he know about.. Michaela?” He asked slowly.

He didn’t have to say exactly what he was talking about. Once I found out Michaela was in the Mental Ward, and what she was in for, I told Haz. And only him. I knew going off and telling everything, especially Niall, would just upset things. Probably Niall and Michaela most. It was really none of my business, Harry’s either, but I hoped that Michaela was past her problems. Realizing she has things to live for and that she should be happy.

This morning when Niall had called to explain what had happened, I could hear how upset he was. He was worried about her, mainly because he had finally figured out what she had done while she was home.

Before he hanged up, I told him not to ask her about it. It would only upset her. When things like that happen, you don’t just ask people about it. You have to be patient and let them come to you.