A Cowgirl's Rodeo

Chapter 18

Dedicating this chapter to KaylaMart17 because she's been reading from the start activly voting and commenting :) Thanks girlly for the support!

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You know that feeling you get when your first boyfriend dumps you for your best friend when you're like 13? Well I feel ten times worse than that. My chest feels tight, I can barely breathe, and I've been dry heaving for the last two minutes, I'm so heart broken. I felt like I was having a panic attack on top of my emotional distress, so I tried unsuccessfully to calm myself down. I loved him. I knew that with all my heart and soul. He was everything I could ever want and I'd do anything for him. I didn't know what to do.

I hadn't realized I had dropped to my knees until I felt arms under my arm pits, lifting me off the ground and pressing me into a hard chest. I gripped Ridge's shirt, trying to reel in my sobs and emotions. "Honey, it'll be alright. He just needs to calm down and he'll realize he loves you too much to end it like this. If he doesn't, he's a damn fool who doesn't know what he's missing."

I snorted, "Why can't John Ross be as level headed as you?" I closed my eyes and inhaled Ridge's scent, fabric softener and pine.

He laughed, holding me tighter. "If he was, you wouldn't love him as much as you do. That's what makes him John Ross."

I sighed, finding it slightly easier to breathe. "Thank you, Ridge."

"For what? It's my fault he left and you have your heart broken."

I looked in his green eyes and saw two things that made my heart clench. Guilt and love. I felt horrible, like I was torturing a puppy. "No. It's my fault. I kissed you. But it's just so hard, every time I'm around you I feel like I forget everything else." I squeezed my eyes shut. "But I know for a fact that I'm in love with John Ross, that's something I feel down in my soul. My biggest mistake was not telling anyone because then I only became more confused."

He moved me back slightly, wiping up my face. I'm sure I looked awful, my face gets all blotchy when I cry. He held my face in his hands, "You look beautiful, so stop doubting yourself." He's crazy if he thinks I look attractive right now. "Don't give me that look, you look beautiful no matter what. But I'm not gonna push you any which way, hell I'll even back off so you don't feel the need to choose."

I immediately stopped him, "Don't leave me, please. I don't think he's coming back and... and I don't want to be alone."

He smiled, "I'll have to go back to New York eventually Honey. I have summer classes I'm taking and football practice. But we'll talk later alright? Cindy looks like she's ready to shake answers out of ya." I looked over at her, she had worry written all over her face. Ridge gripped my hair gently, bringing his face to mine, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I'm gonna head out, give me a call at my mom's if you'd like to talk, or I'll just stop by tomorrow if I don't hear from you."

I nodded, my head still fogged up from his close proximity. "I guess I should go explain things to Cindy before she explodes."

He smiled affectionately, "Yeah, I love you Anastasia." I felt my heart stop, almost uncomfortably because of the guilt. Knowing he loved me and saying it, was two different things. I did love him but it wasn't enough compared to what I felt for John Ross. But I guess if John Ross doesn't want me... No! I wasn't going to be one of those girls. A girl who settled for a guy just because her first choice didn't want her. Maybe if a few months down the road, John Ross still doesn't want me and Ridge is willing to wait, I'll give him a chance. But until then I wasn't giving up on John Ross and I'd stay faithful to him.

I smiled up at him, touching his cheek lightly with my finger tips. "I'll see you soon. Drive home safe, okay?" I glanced over at his black 98 Chevy. "Your mom still kept your dad's Chevy around for you to drive?"