darling [s.stan]

[11] messages

christy crab:
where are you

christy crab:
if you're late john will KILL you

my fake wife:
yeah don't you think i know that

christy crab:
well then why are you not here

my fake wife:
i had to do stuff

christy crab:
is stuff another nickname for sebastian

my fake wife:
i'll kill you

my fake wife:
i will plunge a knife deep into your heart honestly i don't even care

christy crab:
please no i have a wife and a daughter

my fake wife:
camille and emma-ruth will thank me

christy crab:
why would they thank you???

my fake wife:
they can claim their inheritance early

christy crab:
what if i left it all to dodger

my fake wife:
technically camille owns dodger now which means she gets the money

christy crab:
well damn

my fake wife:
i'm here

my fake wife:
is john mad

christy crab:
no he's on crack today

christy crab:
he's being very... whimsical

my fake wife:
what do you mean whimsical

christy crab:
he just pinched my cheeks and called me "honey bear"

my fake wife:
oh he's probably doing coke again

christy crab:
why do you act like this isn't a big deal

my fake wife:
it's only a big deal if their nose caves in and/or falls off

christy crab:
jesus take the wheel