ᴀғғᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ-ʟᴇss | ᴍᴀʀᴋʜʏᴜᴄᴋ [ᴇᴅɪᴛɪɴɢ]

14

Donghyuck didn’t like this. He didn’t like the large distance between Mark and himself. The older of the two was on the edge of the bed, his legs dangling off the side and his body turned completely away from Donghyuck. He really didn’t like this. It felt as though Mark was trying his best to not make Donghyuck uncomfortable, by putting this space between them, but all it did was remind Donghyuck about the distance in their relationship. Could they even be called best friends if they were sitting this far away, acting uneasy?

It was strange, Donghyuck thought. Mark had sat so far away, but just last night he was pressed against him, despite the weather being warm as hell. Now that it was a little chilly and all the hairs on Donghyuck’s arm had stood up, they were far from each other.

“First of all,” Mark started speaking once a few minutes of awkward silence passed. He looked scared and Donghyuck felt dread flood him. Mark was scared of his own best friend. “I’m sorry. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear the most out of me, but I want you to know that I’m sorry. And I’m not just sorry about shouting at you, but because of everything I’ve done.”

Donghyuck stole a glance at Mark before dropping his eyes back to his lap. They were both supposed to speak it out, right? He guessed he could wait till the older was done before speaking.

“When I shouted at you I promise I didn’t mean any of it. I just said a bunch of stupid things and I’m really sorry for that.” Mark ran a hand through his hair and cleared his throat, his cheeks warming up and Donghyuck caught the rosy colour even though the lights were switched off. “I came to a realisation, you know,” Mark said as he reached over to grab Donghyuck’s hand, but then retracted it. (Donghyuck ended up slipping his hand in Mark’s whilst the older kept talking). “I was so annoyed that you had been ignoring me for 3 months, I was so, so, so annoyed. I would sit with some members and make jokes that they wouldn’t understand because it was something between us. They didn’t get it.”

Donghyuck played with the hem of his shirt, hoping that the regret of ignoring Mark wouldn’t show on his face.

“I sat next to you in the van a few weeks back in hopes to talk to you.” Mark chewed on his lip and tightened his grip on Donghyuck’s hand. “But you didn’t even spare me a glance, you didn’t even look at me. I tried talking to you again and again, but you had your head turned away from me. It felt weird, weird that you weren’t talking to me. I thought that maybe I had done something wrong, but you weren’t even telling me what it was.”

Communication, Ten had said. They had to communicate and tell each other what was wrong. But would anyone have taken him seriously if he told them that he was upset because of their rejection? If anything, they would’ve assumed it was a joke since all Donghyuck did in their eyes was just for a tease. The only member who didn’t reject his affection was Jungwoo.

“Even before you started avoiding me,” Mark snapped Donghyuck out of his thoughts. “When you were injured and at your parents’ house, it felt so weird without you. Sure, there was Jungwoo hyung, who was always ready to make everyone laugh, but it was more about your absence.” Mark ran his thumb over Donghyuck’s hand and sighed. “I missed you.”

That was something Donghyuck was not expecting. 

“I missed talking to you, hearing you speak and even though sometimes your jokes got a little out of hand, I missed them.

“And then after you ignored us and we had that...that argument, I realised something.” Mark shut his eyes tightly and lowered his head. “I had been doing the same thing to you for the past 3 years. When we were trainees, it was so much easier. We were so casual with each other and there were no cameras around us. It didn’t feel weird to give you hugs, because there was no one watching us. But then suddenly, we debuted and everywhere we went, there was a camera. We were always in front of people and the eyes on us never disappeared. 

“I used to push you away on camera and we even spoke about it once, remember?” And of course, Donghyuck remembers that day. They had just come back from shooting something and Mark had climbed into bed with him, apologising for acting so awkward about hugs. Mark had told him that it was just because he couldn’t handle skinship with eyes upon him and Donghyuck had laughed at him, punching his arm playfully and then told Mark that he would still continue teasing him about that.

“I guess it became a habit after that,” Mark continued, shaking his head to shift his hair away from his face and brought a hand up to his eyes - only then did Donghyuck see the tears. “It became a habit and I started doing the same off-camera, it was a sort of joke between us? Or from my side at least. Since you told me you only hug me as a tease, I assumed that when I push you away it doesn’t matter...but it clearly did.”

“Mark hyung I-” Donghyuck leaned close and wiped the tears gathered at the corner of his eyes, but when he spoke Mark interrupted him.

“No, wait.” Mark pulled back and sniffled, wiping roughly at his cheeks and held a hand out to stop Donghyuck. "Let me finish," he said, causing Donghyuck to freeze and lean back. "I know there's no excuse for the stuff I did, but you could've told me about it? I wouldn't have judged you, I never have. I used to look at the things fans made for us, or wrote for us and— sometimes it was really weird, you know?

"Fans called out friendship something more than that," Mark continued, looking more red than before. "They read in between the lines, analysed our actions. I just got scared? I got worried that maybe you'd read the stuff and things would get awkward between us. I didn't want that to happen, I didn't want our friendship to go in the drain. But look where that got us."

Donghyuck lowered his gaze to his lap as Mark began to sniffle more loudly. Of course, he had seen the stuff fans posted about them, but he never found it weird. He thought it was cute. He liked the way fans interpreted their actions in so many different ways.

"You know I didn't mind that stuff, right?" Donghyuck whispered and guilt flashed onto Mark's face immediately. "I would never change the way I treat you just because of some posts fans make."

"Hyuck, I'm so sorry," Mark said, shuffling forward and looking at Donghyuck with expectant eyes. "I know you won't believe me if I just say it, so please just give me another chance to show you?"

In all honesty, Donghyuck felt a bit awkward. Mark wasn't one to cry, not that he wasn't emotional he just didn't cry. So seeing him here in tears, looking like a mess, Donghyuck felt awkward. 

"I'll be a better friend, I promise," Mark added when Donghyuck didn't give any response. 

But Mark was already a great friend. He would comfort Donghyuck whenever he needed it. He would slip into his bed before debut and hold Donghyuck to his chest, brush his hands through his hair and whisper praises into his ear whenever he could. Mark was always there with this energy and smile that would take away all of his worries in a second. Mark was always there for him. Their friendship just got a little messy after they stopped talking about their issues or concerns with each other.

"I," Donghyuck took a deep breath and wiped his face with his hand, tired. "I can't just immediately say yes, I have some pride, you know," Donghyuck joked and smiled when Mark giggled with him. "But I just want you to know that you're a great friend, it's not entirely your fault. I should've spoken to you; we should've talked this out. After we do that, after we talk everything out and clear any misunderstandings and problems between us, only then, I think, can we return to normal. And I still need to talk to the others, their apologies kind of went into the drain after..."

Mark stared at Donghyuck before pulling him into a hug, snuggling into the younger's chest and let out a sigh. "I can't apologise for the others, but I'm telling you that I'll try my best to change. However, you have to tell me what's wrong and what's not. And please, talk to me again, because you know how boring Doyoung hyung can be."

The laugh that escaped Donghyuck's mouth allowed the two to relax in each others' arms. The main door to the dorm opened and the sound of the members trailed in. Donghyuck breathed out slowly and wrapped his arms around Mark, leaning back until they were lying down. 

"Mark hyung," he said, tugging the blanket over them. "Let's talk, then."

Mark pulled his head back a little and smiled softly. 

"Let's talk."