Chick Habit

Kaylor: "Taylor, babe, you need to rest" "I can't."

A/N: Set between 1989 and Rep when Taylor's just decided to take a little break.

Mentions and description of anxiety.

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"Taylor, babe, you need to rest."

"I can't." Taylor's voice is shaking and then she's awake the remainder of last night's conversation lost in dream-land.

Taylor's bare feet continuously hit the padded steps as she forced herself downwards, trying not to snivel and holding back fresh tears threatening to spill over and onto her already glistening cheeks yet again.

"Karlie?" She tried softly as she entered the kitchen downstairs. It was her first word of the morning and she did not yet fully trust her voice to hold steady.

Her fiancée, sitting at the kitchen table in a worn-out, old flannel she'd found raiding Taylor's closet, and nursing a steaming hot cup of coffee, looked up from her phone quizzically.

"Baby!" She exclaimed, surprised to see Taylor up so early. After their long talk the night before following that final meeting with Tree, in combination with the heavy doze of anxiety suppressors it had taken for Taylor to finally drift off Karlie had figured it'd hours yet and so had let Taylor sleep when she herself got up a mere half an hour ago.

"How'd you sleep?"

Ignoring the question, Taylor sat down opposite her girl and stared at her hands, twisting them together in an attempt to stop them from continuously shaking.

Karlie noticed the bouncing of Taylor's leg, the fleeting stares, the shaking hands, the already puffy eyes, of course she noticed it all, but she didn't comment on any of it. Instead, she let Taylor speak, say what she needed.

"...What if I made a huge mistake?" The distressed ghost of a girl shaking with either cold or suppressed anxiety (Karlie was already convincing herself Taylor had lost a concerning amount of weight since last night...Mental note: feed her) asked finally, her voice breaking ever so slightly now and Karlie's heart along with it.

She hated seeing Taylor like this and had been hoping what they had agreed on yesterday would finally bring the singer some peace, but judging from her anxious demeanor this morning she didn't appear to be quite there yet, which was understandable but frustrating for any and all individuals caring about her mental health and general well-being.

Putting down her phone once and for all and leaning across the table to grab Taylor's hand Karlie met the blue gaze, determined to hold it. Taylor too, resisted the urge to look away now, seeking comfort suddenly, steady ground.

"What do you mean?" Karlie asked, her voice wasn't demanding or accusatory, instead almost curious, but wary, ready to protest in an attempt to protect and support.

"This," Taylor said in clear frustration, throwing her free hand out in a vague gesture to illustrate her dilemma.

"This goddam decision, what if I just killed my career?"

"Honey, believe me, you didn't. Everyone needs a break now and again, it's not as big a deal as you think, everyone and everything you've built and done and worked so hard for will still be there when you're ready to come back to it..." At this Karlie leaned across the table to offer a comforting kiss for her love, clearly more distressed than she was letting on.

Taylor jerked back, sighing and avoiding those green eyes now, though holding onto Karlie's hand as if it were her very last lifeline, the very last thing keeping her from tearing apart at the seams. She looked at their intertwined fingers and breathed deeply, shakily.

"What if they won't wait, what if-? ...What if they won't stay...?"

She broke now, tears, streaming down her face and Karlie sighed softly, emphatic and frustrated all at once, wishing for the millionth time since yesterday that Taylor would be less self-critical.

"Tay baby, I think you're underestimating your fans." She tried softly and Taylor smiled faintly, almost melancholy through the tears, "and I- I think you're overestimating me...What if I end up never wanting to come back...then-?"

"Well," Karlie said simply, "then you don't."

"But if I'm not doing this I-well, I don't know who the fuck I am, Karls; it's all I've been doing since high school..."

"I know, I know. It's terrifying, but remember what you said to me last year when I thought I didn't wanna do what I was doing anymore?"

"That-that it was an adventure and that if anyone I know has a sense of adventure it's you..."

"Yes, and then you said I was brave for wanting to try new things...Why can't you take your own advice or reassurance, Tay?"

"I don't know, I wish I could..."

"Well will you take mine?"

The singer nodded, "I can try., because I love you and all" She agreed, a weak chuckle that nonetheless filled Karlie's chest with warmth.

"I love you too and well, okay; if you're not sure who you are without the music maybe it's time you find out so that you can continue creating better stuff?"

"Okay yeah, that makes sense...If I do it, take this plunge, will you promise to hold my hand?"

"All the way!"