golden hearts ❣ phan soulmate au

chapter five

{tw// talk of depression - all direct references will be underlined. read carefully <3}

we sat in silence for a moment. my thoughts were racing, but i couldn't hear anything. "just leav-ve. it's better that way. n-no one should see me l-like this," i said. "just-t leave."

i felt phil shift. he's leaving. then i looked down and saw an arm under the door. then hair. then a face and the other arm. before i knew it, phil had slid himself under the door so that we were facing each other in the small bathroom cubical. then he looked me in the eyes, his back resting on the opposite wall, and said, "no."

i tore my eyes away from his, and sobbed harder. he sat there and watched me quietly. it was nice having someone near me. after some time, i stopped sobbing and was left with a silent stream of tears. "dan, what's wrong? what happened?" he asked quietly.

i let my gaze fall on my feet. "it's stupid and it doesn't matter."

he studied my face, "i don't care what it is or isn't. please tell me. i'm here."

still not looking up, i took off my cat ear headband and set it on the floor. then i took a deep breath and began talking. "i-i like someone, but i d-don't think they like me. i don't-t even know if he likes guys, or if he's worth perusing. i-i haven't seen his necklace. i know that it shouldn't affect me this much but i-i'm just so insecure that it's getting to m-me, and i have depress-sion so its only gonna get w-worse." i felt phil looking at me with shock and confusion. "i'm s-sorry, i shouldn't have told y-you all that. it's d-dumb."

phil sat silently for a moment before he spoke up. "i don't want to make you uncomfortable, or think that this is all i heard but um, dan? are you gay?" he looked down as he said it. it was almost as if he was scared to ask? either way, i nodded, not wanting to elaborate. "and you really care about finding your soulmate, don't you?"

deciding that an explanation was best for this one, i answered, "it's more th-that i know that someone out ther-re is perfect for m-me, and i don't want to ruin that oppertunit-ty." he nodded thoughtfully.

"dan, look at me please," phil began. slowly i looked up, so he continued. "dan, your depression and insecurities don't have to rule over you. stand up for yourself. you'll be okay. and um, if you want, i was thinking maybe we could be friends? i just think you're really cool and-"

"really? y-you mean it? you want to be friends w-with me?" i gazed hopefully into his eyes.

phil nodded. "yeah, i do. i guess i have for a while but i never asked because," he trailed off.

"thank you, ph-phil." by now my tears had come to a minimum and i had calmed down. "i'd like to be friends with you. i-i think you're cool, too," i smiled softly.

"not to be weird or anything but can i hug you?" he asked quietly. i nodded softly. phil got up off the floor and held a hand out to me. gladly, i took it and pulled myself up. as phil leaned in to hug me, something caught my eye. his necklace. it's the same as mine: two golden hearts in the shape of an infinity sign with diamonds across the middle.

somehow, i just had a heart to heart with phil lester, not only someone who i cared for deeply even having never talked to him before today, but also my soulmate.

never in a million years did i think i'd be able to tell myself that.

phil lester is my soulmate.

then he pulled me into a strong and comforting hug. i never wanted to let go.