golden hearts ❣ phan soulmate au

chapter eight

i followed phil into his room, starbucks drink in hand. it was decorated nicely, a bit of a mess but that was understandable. i took this moment to look at the things he had around his room. there was a few band posters framed on the wall, including muse and panic at the disco. he had an x box with a small pile of games. he also had a stack of dvds as well as cds. the thing that i really noticed was the bookshelf in the far corner of the room next to his desk.

"you read?" i asked as he went through a drawer of pants most likely to find a specific pair.

phil shrugged, "some what. i mostly read individual pages for inspiration."

i sat in his office chair by the desk. "inspiration?"

phil nodded, this time looking up at me. "i write short stories sometimes. they're not the best but i like them," he clarified, smiling.

"can um, could you maybe read me one later?" i asked shyly. "you don't have to i just thought maybe.."

phil blushed a light pink color. "um, we'll see."

after that, i let phil gather up everything he needed for the weekend. once he was finished, we went back down stairs and said goodbye to kathy. after that, we headed out the door and were on our way to mine for a sleepover. and more importantly, dinner.

"hey phil?" i said after a few moments of silence, "this is kind of a weird question and it doesn't really have anything to do with right now, but um, why did you ask about my sexuality earlier? i really don't mind but it kind of caught me off guard a bit."

phil paused for a moment. "i'm sorry if i crossed a line or anything, really i didn't mean to," he told me, frowning.

i shook my head. "really phil, i don't mind. i just haven't told many people, and speaking of which, my parents don't know, so don't say anything please."

phil looked at me quizzically. "you're parents don't know?"

i looked at him for a moment, before realizing what he meant. "just because i wear pink shirts, flower crowns, and the occasional dress, doesn't mean i'm out of the closet." phil looked down, before i realized how harsh that sounded. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to make that sound so harsh. i know you didn't mean anything by it. i'm just overprotective of the fact that i'm the embodiment of a feminine gay boy, and i don't want people to assume things about me. anyway, we've talked far too much about me today. tell me about you."

"oh um," phil stuttered, "i don't really know what to say to be honest. actually, i'd rather ask you something first." phil turned his head towards his shoes. i hummed in agreement, telling him to continue. "h-how did you know you were gay?"

"oh. it's a bit of a story. can i ask why you want to know before i start?" i asked cautiously.

phil played with the strings of his sweatshirt as we walked. "i-i guess i'm just confused. i think i might like someone. a guy. but i don't know. i'm just confused."

i put my hand phil's arm. "phil, you're allowed to be confused. it takes time, but if you want to know i'll tell you." i removed my hand and he nodded to me softly. "ok, so in 7th grade, there was this boy. at the time, i didn't understand any of it, but i found him really cute. at times he was kind of awkward, and others he looked confident. at first i thought i wanted to be him, but over the year, and into the next, i realized i wanted to be with him. and even though i hadn't spoken to him before, i knew that i'd like him."

" do you still like him?"

"yeah, i do."