Numinous | KHR Fanfiction

Chapter 11: Leaving

Grief sneaked behind my back and took me under its arms. Memory flashed in my head, repeating itself like forever. All of it just to remind me the price I had to pay after someone died. They said time healed wounds. For many days, weeks, months or years. I do not know how long it will take.

Somber eyes stared at the wall in front of me. It was three in the morning. I could not close my eyes and lure into sleep. It has been five days and the cycle would not stop tormenting me.

The same dream I woke up everyday. 

Her small body lied on the ground. The bullet hole pierced through her heart, juices oozed out, drenched her pink pajamas darker. I stood there, my body did not move. Big tears ran down my cheeks. 

"Mami...oh, Mami-chan, no, no, no," I croaked out. I covered my face, releasing wails that echoed around the dark room.

"Why did you not say anything?"

Hands grabbed on my leg, snapped me out of my miserable state. I looked down and saw Mami clawed on my skin, smearing it red.

When she tilted her head up, my heart stopped. 

"Why did you not tell me?"

Dull red eyes looked at me. Her mouth moved and voice devoid of emotions, like a doll. A dribble of blood rolled from her lips. 

I tried to speak but words could not come out. Suddenly, air was blocked into my lungs. Mami squeezed my neck with immeasurable strength that a normal child would not have. I struggled to break free. 

"Why, Chi-chan?"

Two figures appeared behind Mami. Their soulless orbs looked down on me, making me feel small.

My lungs screamed for air. My windpipe felt like it was about to crushed. I tried to speak out. Gurgles from my throat came out. I wished to rewind time, I wished that I just struck in the background, I wished I was never alive again...

"Why didn't you save us?"

The dream ended there. When I woke up, my breaths came in short gasps. Tears streamed down my face. Their voices echoed in my head. Never ending, they continued to haunt me. 

If I could just woke up and found out everything was just an illusion or nightmare....but no matter how hard I wished for it, the reality was always the same.

I want my old self back. But what about the new me? Saikawa Jun and Hiragii Chisaki were different personas. I was dead already. But that spirit said my soul was connected to her. Did she died during birth?

I felt the sheets moved. I looked over to my side. Spiky red hair struck out from his head. His small body covered with the thick blanket slept soundly. His eyes closed, I could see his long eyelashes, and his lips parted, snoring softly.

After we cried, the nurse allowed us to stay together. They combined our beds in a single room. We slept together and comforted each other.

The black bags under his eyes disappeared a bit.

 I envied him. Being able to sleep without problems. I stared at the boy. Guilt etched in my heart, an ugly scar. All the time I thought, "This was my fault." Was it a right thing to be his friend? 

You let them be killed.

The voice in my head added salt into my wounds. I wanted to rewind time to change the past. I wanted to see my friends and family again. To be ordinary without all of these stuff. I did not want to feel the pain of grief and guilt. I missed playing with my friends and talking with my family.