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Chapter I Andres

It was my first day at school. Oakridge high. I was starting to hyperventilate.

"Hey Andres it's ok bro. It's me Jace." I heard my brother say soothingly as he slowly walked into my room.

I glanced up at him eyes wide. I viciously shook my head back and forth not wanting him to come closer. I had just woken up from a nightmare. Which my brother has to remind me I'm ok. Just so I don't go back to step one.

"It's ok. It's me Jace. Your brother. I'm not going to hurt you." He says softly. I sat upright clutching the blankets tight against my chest.

"Stay back. Don't touch me." I whispered. I was deathly afraid. My brother wasn't the least bit shocked. Seeing as this happens quite often. It's the reason he goes to college nearby. He's a second year. He could be transferring next year but I doubt he will. Not with my condition. I doubt he'll leave me at all.

"Did you have another nightmare?" He asks softly as he stopped his approach. Now standing in the middle of my room with his hands up as if in surrender. He wanted to put me at ease. But that does little to ease my fears. "Well?" He pushes.

I didn't reply. Instead I nodded. I looked down to my lap shaking my head viciously trying to get rid of the images.

"It's ok. It was just a dream. He can't get to you. He's gone. You're ok. I won't let anyone hurt you." He said taking another step forward. That little gesture made me snap my head back into his direction. I watched as he slowly took steps forward towards my bed.

Seeing him so close made me start to panic. I started hyperventilating. My heart started to beat faster in my chest. The closer he got to me the more sweat started to form on my face. My eyes wide.

I clutched the blanket in between my hands and held them to my chest as I scooted as far back against the wall in the corner as possible. I wanted him to stop. I didn't want him to come any closer. I was afraid. I was afraid he'd hurt me.

"Hey Andres. Breathe for me. Take a deep breath in... out... in... out. OK? Look at me. I'm your brother. It's me Jace. Remember I protected you from him? I'll always protect you. You're my brother. Ok? Trust me when I say I wont hurt you." He said softly as he sat on the bed.

I was trying to calm my breathing. I really was. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. He had always protected me. He never once hurt me. Even so I was still afraid. Afraid it would hurt.

"Not all touch burns. Remember that. Not everyone's touch burns." He said whispering softly as he slowly reached his hand out to touch my hand that I was holding close to my chest.

When I saw him coming closer I felt my heart rate pick up speed. I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away from him. Letting a few tears leak out.

He's going to hurt me. He's going to hurt me. Please don't touch me. Please don't.

I was as far away as I could get and he was blocking my exit way. I had no choice but to wait and see if my brother was lying.

It felt like hours went by when it was probably seconds but I couldn't help it. I have this phobia called Contreltophobia. Which I developed when I was seven years old. It means I'm afraid of sexual abuse. Basically any type of sex related stuff.

Along with that I eventually developed Chiraptophobia when I was ten. It's the fear of being touched. Basically when other people touch me it processes in my mind as burning. The touch of others on me burns me.

That's when I finally felt his hand on mine. It was soft and gentle but it didn't burn like I thought.

I opened my eyes and looked at him tears staining my face. He smiled at me. It was genuine. That's when I finally fully woke up I guess.

I have these episodes when I'm waking up from a nightmare where I forget everything my brother has taught me over the years.

Not every touch burns.

I started crying once more and hugged him tightly. He held me gently and let me cry into his shoulder. I was sad that I forgot. It hurt me to feel like this. He was my brother. He protected me from my father all those years ago. He'd never hurt me. I knew this yet I still flinched away from him.

"It's ok Andres. It's ok. Remember that not all touch burns. Besides how are you going to play basketball if you forget that? Your teammates don't burn you when they play right?" He asked chuckling a little.

I chuckled a little as I pulled away from him. "No they haven't. Thanks to you."

"And your fellow classmates. Remember the teachers in there with you. No one can hurt you when there's an adult around." He said softly. He smiled at me making me smile.

"You're right but it's just so hard. Sometimes I forget and they do burn me." I said sadly looking down. "I endure the pain so no one can know. But it's only for a couple seconds before I walk out. That's why I get in trouble all the time. How can I just go to school if I keep forgetting that?"

"Just keep repeating that over and over in your head. Till it sticks. Just like basketball. You like to play right?" He asked. I just nodded in response. "Think about it this way. You love basketball. You wont just automatically forget how to play if you love it right? Well keep repeating it over and over till it's engraved into your mind."

I didn't understand how that would work so I just nodded. He sighed heavily. He knew I didn't get it.

"Look if someone gets to close repeat that over and over. Adults will protect you. Just like I did. It's there job to protect there students. Besides they have campus security. They wouldn't let anyone hurt you. Not everyones out to get you." He smiled.

"Ok. I'll try." I said weakily. He nodded his approval before standing up.

"Alright hurry and get ready it's already 6:30 and I have school at 8 too. So I'll have to drop you off at 7:30 from now on. Alright?" He said walking to the door. He looked back once more to see if I was listening because apparently I don't listen.

"Ok." I said getting out of bed before making it. I quickly picked out my outfit for the day and headed to the shower. Took me about half an hour to fully get ready before I started eating my eggs and toast that my brother had made for me.

"Alright Andres let's head out now." My brother called to me. I grabbed my black backpack and keys and headed out.