enchanting | WN

i want us to be real too

WEDNESDAY, May 1st
As I wake up from a good nights sleep, the first thing I feel is the sunlight against my eyelids.

I've had blinders in my windows for as long as I can remember, though I haven't really understood the struggle of it until my first night in this guest room. I've been woken up by sunlight every single day, and it's not as peaceful as it may seem when all you want to do is sleep the days away.

Without opening my eyes, I change my position to face the wall instead. Though when I let my hand fall down, it doesn't land on the soft bed.

The feeling of a warm skin against my fingertips makes me open my eyes immediately.

Beside me lays the boy I've been thinking of for weeks. His blue eyes are staring right back at mine, as I'm too shocked to even move. I don't even know if I'm breathing anymore, all I can feel is my heart beating in a seemingly satisfied way. I'm calm, for some reason.

"Hey," William whispers, observing me just as I'm observing him.

His voice is quite raspy, as if he's just woken up. I'm sure that he's been very awake for a while, though. At least, that's what the dark circles under his eyes tell me.

"Why are you here?" I ask.

There are a lot and much more important questions that I'd rather ask him right now, though those would probably only lead to screaming. I can't handle anymore battles, those inside of my mind are enough for now.

"You need me."

My gaze goes straight from his shirt, to his eyes. They are so careful in their way of watching me, as if I'd break down if he acted a little more confident.

"That's at least what I'm convincing myself of," he continues.

William swiftly strokes my hand with his fingertips. I had forgotten that it was still touching his skin before, though now that he's intentionally touching the back of my hand, it feels like thousands of butterflies are gonna press themselves out from it any time.

"However, I need you," he says, making me warm inside and out. "I'm sorry for everything I said after that pointless game. Even though I maybe haven't been showing it all the time, you're the only meaningful thing in my life. I'm sorry."

A few tears fall down my cheek, bringing parts of the heartache away that's been with me for days.

As he slowly intertwines out fingers, it feels like the hole inside of my chest is being filled little by little. Feelings that I haven't felt in a long time starts to become palpable again. Feelings, such as happiness, and love.

Though I feel something other than complete happiness. There's an insecurity within that makes me bring my hand back, and which erases most parts of warmth inside of my chest.

I don't know what it is. Maybe some sort of self defense, or just a reflex. Maybe it's because what's happened recently is still like a open wound inside of me, and that letting someone in would only make it worse.

Again, I don't know why I feel like this, though the pain in William's blue eyes are quite obvious. He tires to keep his strength and confidence as he rolls over to his back.

"I'm sorry," he says again. "I don't wanna push you into forgiving me. I want it to be real. I-I want us to be real."

He turns his head to see my reaction. I shake my head as a small smile is on my lips. "I've already forgiven you. It's just.. I think I need time. And I'm not just saying it to be mean. Like, I've almost lost two of the most important people in my life in what, a week?"

I feel my heartbeat quicken just by thinking about the past. Rolling onto my back as well, I drag my hair as my eyes starts watering. "I just feel like everything that has happened lately is a nightmare and I don't know if my heart can handle it anymore. I've tried to keep it together, to keep it from breaking, but I think that it's already been done and I just can't-"

William drags my shaking body into his, hugging me closely and tries to calm me down. What was just a few tears before, has become a big flood that I can't stop.

The panic within me begins to sink little by little as the smell of William fills up my lungs instead. "You will be okay," he whispers softly into my neck. "I promise you, Elle. If your heart breaks, you've already got mine."

As I sob again, there's some kind of beam on my hidden face. Maybe it's like a sunlight through the storm, as a sign that it's all over soon. That's at least what I hope for, as I let my body drift into sleep in Williams's arms.