Short Stories and Oneshots

My Fault

Um,, me trying to write a songfic?? maybe???

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The raindrops fall slowly, creating only the smallest ripples in the wide lake. The thick branches of the spruce trees above protect Aiden from the rain now, but if it gets harder, they won't. Fog drifts in wisps across the lake, hiding the far shore from view.

If he looked to the west, he would see clouds splashed with the brilliant colours of the setting sun, but he doesn't. He stares directly ahead at the lake, his mind a million miles away.

It's all his fault.

It's never been anything but his fault.

His hand shakes as he reaches up and runs his fingers through his unruly brown hair. My fault, his mind chants. It's all my fault.

Everything is gone. His past life is ashes, along with all the happiness it brought him. The one precious friendship he'd clung onto for so long has been trampled in the dirt, and it's all because of him.

Why did it take him so long to figure this out?
Why couldn't he have realized what he was losing before it was already gone?

He tries to think of where Lukas might be right now. Probably off on some adventure with the New Order, having the time of his life with his new friends. The people who haven't ruined his life in some way or another.

He definitely, definitely isn't missing Aiden as much as Aiden's missing him. Lukas had made it very clear whom he blamed for the whole mess, and it wasn't himself.

Why did I have to throw it all away?

Why did I think anything could be better than what I had? What we had?

Because he was stupid. Because he was jealous and arrogant and blind, and he'd already gotten himself in far over his head before he realized he might drown.

It's too late now. He doesn't have anywhere else to go, but he's got to keep going nonetheless.

It's all my fault.

Everything, everything reminds him of Lukas. The sights and sounds of everyday life bring back floods of memories, all tainted by the bitterness of guilt and loss.

He needed Lukas. He needed someone to keep him stable and sane, someone to depend on.
For a while, he had exactly that. It used to be so good, when it was the two of them against the world.

He wishes he knew when exactly it began to fall apart. When he started becoming bitterer and meaner. When Lukas became more aloof and attention-seeking. When they both began looking away from each other.

Maybe it wasn't one exact moment. Maybe it was many.

But it's all my fault. I broke our relationship. I broke his trust. I drove him away. My fault. It's all my fault.

Maybe someday he'll move on. Eventually, the pain could fade, and the memories could be looked upon in nostalgia rather than intense regret.

But today is not that day, and the best he can do is stare out at the lake as his mind loops around and around, the rain slowly joining the teardrops on his face.

All. My. Fault.