Wolf-blood

Rogue Life

Lenus brought me back towards my tent, and I couldn't help but once again look around the little camp. My new home.

This isn't home, Indie.

Of course this is home, Vox. These people are my family. They care.

So do Mother and Father-

Well....

Vir...

They threatened us, sis, according to Indie. They were undermining our power. That is the worst crime they could have committed.

Thank you Vir.

You've lost it! Our family is our family. No matter how much they hate us, they love us! We can't give up on them!

Vox! They are monsters. These wolf-bloods, these rogues, care more about me than my "family" ever did. They saved me without having to be asked. That is what a family does.

I'm in no way saying that what they did was okay, but I am trying to act wisely. They deserve forgiveness. Everyone does.

Never.

Sorry, sis. Two against one.

Vox shut herself out from us, then, and Vir and I cooled down our nerves. We couldn't believe Vox. They tried to kill me! How could she think I could forgive that?

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Lenus saying, "Hey, are you ok-"

"Fine," I cut him off. He gave me a questioning look so I reiterated, "I'm fine." 

"So you said. It's okay, I get it. I'll leave you to your thoughts. You can hang out in your tent or you could go by Blod. She's over by the fire," Lenus said with a sympathetic look.

"Okay. Thank you...For everything."

Lenus nodded and walked away. I felt my shoulders slump; I hadn't realized how tense I was. I sighed shakily and felt my emotions start to get the better of me. I walked into the tent and laid down on my little bed. It was made up of blankets and a pillow on the earth floor. I curled up and cried. I cried for my idiocy. I cried for my "family". I cried for all the times they said, "I love you," and I believed them. I cried for every time I returned the phrase and meant it, even when they didn't.

Even when I was all cried out, I still laid in bed and looked around the tent. It was an army green canvas, big enough for my bed and a backpack. I looked through the backpack and found it contained a white tee shirt, gray sweatshirt, cargo pants, underwear, and combat boots. I quickly took off what I was wearing and put them on. It seemed symbolic. I was shedding my past and replacing it with this future. I also found a hair brush, toothbrush, toothpaste, and a bottle of water in the bag, so I got to work. I brushed out my hair and left the tent with the rest. I saw Blod by the fire and inclined my head towards her. She did the same and I walked a bit out into the woods. I quickly brushed my teeth and rinsed with the water bottle.

When I was done, I threw the remainder in my tent and went to sit by Deu. She looked up when I sat by her and said, "Are you done?"

"With what?"

"Sulking," she simply replied.

I was shocked at first but then I realized that she was right. I had been sulking. "I think so."

"Good, because sulkies aren't good workers. Now, it's time for meditation, and you're free to join us."

"Meditation?"

"Twice a day, once at sunrise once at sunset, we meditate to became closer to the Earth Mother. Anu in Irish Celtic. She is Mother Magic, Air, Plenty. She protects us. We should worship her, and grow to love her as our leader."

"Oh," I said, because it seemed the only reasonable answer. I looked to the west and the sun looked like it would set in about five minutes.

Blod called out, "Orvar! Belenus! Come!" Lenus and Orvar stepped out of their respective tents and came to sit around the fire. Blod turned to me and said, "It really is quite simple. You close your eyes, become one with your wolf, and then reach out to the Earth Mother. Listen to her call. Feel her under your feet. Know that she will protect you."

Just then the sun set and all three of them closed their eyes. I did the same and tried to do what Deu said. I got in touch with Vox and Vir.

Oh, so now you want to talk to me?

Vox.

What is wrong with you?! You are sitting next to three rogues and you are going to close your eyes?

Vox!

I can't believe you, Indie. How could you trust these people!? They have kidnapped you, turned you against your own parents, and now you are doing exactly what they tell you to-

VOX!

These people are not the enemy. Right now, they are being helpful and kind and we owe them our respect. Now please, at least for a little bit, would you leave logic behind and just feel?

What does that even mean?

Just listen. Close off your logic, shut your eyes, and feel. You're running though the forest at break-neck speeds. You push yourself to go faster. Look around. You see trees all around you. The greens and browns combining as you rush past them in a blur. The ground under your paws in soft and green like moss. You know exactly where to step so you don't step on a rock and stumble over a root. The sky above you is bright blue, like a summer day. You are being chased by three wolves, but they are your friends. You can hear them playfully barking behind you, trying to catch up. They are your friends. They are your family. They care. 

By now I could feel Vox lightening up to my idea, and I felt ourselves combine to form an inseparable bond. They were me, and I was them. We were one.

Together, we reached out our senses to the things around us. The dirt under our legs was slowly vibrating if you felt it close enough. The Earth Mother's heart. The trees had a slow breeze running through them. Anu was breathing. The afternoon heat was slowly turning to coolness. The Earth was resting. We could feel her in every breath, movement, shift. We could feel her magic slowly changing everything. We could feel her within ourselves. She granted us this magical gift and we so rarely thanked her for it. She was our true mother, and we'd never told her, "I love you."

So slowly, quietly, we reached out to the energy that was Anu, and whispered, "Thank you, Mother. I love you."

And if you listened closely, you could almost hear in the wind, her whispering back, "I love you always I love you always I love you always..."

Slowly, I opened my eyes, and found that only Deu and I remained. She still had he eyes closed, so I assumed she was still meditating. Silently, I got up from the fire side and walked to my tent. After meditating, I felt fuller, more me. I felt like my entire life I had been playing as a girl who wasn't me, and now I can finally see who I am.

Once I pulled aside the fabric of my tent, I looked down at my bed.

And you wouldn't believe what I found.