Whirlwind

(42) half way point

JASPER

***

The last however many months it's been has been fucking off the chain busy. I'm actually surprised I'm still fucking standing. Since Libby's gone back to England, life has got so much more hectic, and I don't know how much longer I can keep myself sane without her.

Before Libby left, we'd spent six weeks on the road before she had to go home. Throughout those weeks, I'd had phone calls from publishers so I knew I'd have my work cut out for me when I came back. But I was determined to enjoy those last few weeks with her. And that's what we did.

We celebrated being together for a year while we were out there... I think we spent more time in bed that day than any other. But then the holiday was over in a flash, particularly when I spent at least a week of it being knocked fucking sideways by both flu and stomach bug. And before I knew it, I was saying goodbye to her at the airport again. And I fucking hated those goodbyes.

When I dropped her off, I had to be strong. I had to. She was panicking already so it was up to me to calm her. I pulled her into me, her back to my chest and looped my arms around her and just held her. Wilmington's only a small airport so I didn't need to let her go until about fifteen minutes before her flight. We stood there for nearly an hour... just standing, holding each other, remembering what it felt like, because we had a year without any of this.

When she finally did have to go, I kissed her for as long as I could, and then I watched until her plane took off. And even after that. I stood there for nearly two hours before I left to go back home and it was nearly dark. When I did finally come home, four hours later than I'd intended, with a detour via the beach, my parents were worried when I got back.

"Jasper?" They called as I came in the front door, not even bothering to be quiet.

I stood there for ages, and then Mum finally came towards me as I broke down.

"She's gone, Mom. She's gone."

I bent my head down and put it in my hands.

"She's not gone forever, Jasper. You guys are going to be fine, you'll see."

She stroked my hair as she hugged me, and I soon found myself feeling a little bit better. But I'd be lying if I said I was okay. My parents left me to it, only because I asked them to this time, and I didn't come out of my room for a few days. I came out to eat, but barely. Instead I sat in there and wrote out letters.

When we'd watched The Notebook that stuck with me. He wrote a letter every day for a year, and a year was all we had, and I could certainly find enough memories and little anecdotes to fill the number of days I had left in this purgatory. So that's exactly what I did.

But when I was writing the ones around Christmas, which was not that long after Libby went back to college, I hatched a plan with her parents to get them all over here. Lisa and Mike sent me the money and I bought tickets for them, Rob and Dylan. I'd asked about Andy but he was apparently ankle deep in diapers, so had declined this time round. So I printed them off, stuck them in the envelopes for those four days of Christmas and just prayed that Libby opened the 23rd December letter on time.

But now, here I was, standing at the gate to JFK International Airport awaiting that familiar blonde wavy-haired girl that smelled like peaches. Their flight had been delayed due to snow here, so she was over two hours late, but obviously that's not her fault. I remained standing though, holding the daisies in my hand, waiting.

And soon I hear my phone ringing, which means she's at least landed.

"Baby where are you?" I get straight to the point.