˗ˏˋcolombiaˎˊ˗ [book #1] [under construction]

• • 018 ¬

• • zee's pov ¬

the second i woke up the next morning, memories of yesterday filled my mind.

i quickly shook them away and slowly got up, not trying to wake up ana.

i walked the door and my sock-covered feet touched something different than the floor.

i looked and there was a folded piece of paper.

i picked at up and read the sloppy handwriting.

"i know i have kept a lot from you.

i know its not fair.

i know i should tell you.

i know i have to tell you.

maybe i can tell you some, but not all.

maybe i can keep it secret just a little longer.

maybe i can hide it from you more.

maybe i can get the guts to tell you everything.

everyday, i wanna tell you.

everyday, i hope i get the guts to tell you.

everyday, i feel bad for not telling you.

everyday i think about you.

sometimes, i dont want to tell you.

sometimes, i just want you to know it all.

sometimes, i wish i never knew you.

sometimes, i wish you were all mine.

if i had the guts, i would tell you everything.

if i had the guts, i would tell you how much you mean to me.

if i had the guts, i would tell you you're the only reason im alive.

if i had the guts, i would tell you my biggest secret.

just knowing that i love you.

just knowing that you may or may not love me back.

just knowing that i care.

just knowing that you probably dont.

breaks my heart. breaks my soul.

breaks my dreams. breaks my life.

if i had you, my life would be complete.

if i had you, my life would be perfect.

if i had you, i would be happy.

if i had you, i wouldnt have to search anymore.

i know i should tell you.

i know its not fair.

i know i have kept a lot from you.

i know i should tell you.

but, i dont have the guts,

the guts to tell you i love you,

the guts to tell you you're the reason im alive,

the guts to tell you,

i need you in my life."

by the time i finished, the letter was stained by my tears.

was this shawn who wrote this?

i walked over to my closet. i grabbed an empty shoebox and placed the letter in it.

"ana, wake up." i shook her over the sheets.

"hell to the motherfucking no. 5 more minutes." she groaned.

i chuckled, before ripping off the sheets.

ana turned around and squinted her eyes at me.

"you'll pay, zee. you'll pay." she said.

i laughed and opened the door.

"yeah, right." i stepped out, but was quickly met by a body thumping into mine.

"sorry." the voice grumbled. i looked to see a shirtless jack.

"uhm, sorry, too." i mumbled, looking at my feet.

he smiled before walking down the stairs.

"ahem." ana cleared her throat. i turned around and blushed.

"you guys love eachother?" she mouthed, holding up a heart.

"no, no, no! i have shawn." i mouthed back.

she put "whatever" look and walked past me.

"wait, ana! what do you mean?"

"well, your eye-connection is better than beyoncé and jay-z. how nervous you got when you saw him shirtless. and how you smile to one another is, ugh! i hate you sometimes." she whispered in my ear.

i stood on the middle of the stairs and began to think.

do i really like jack? fuck, i.have.shawn. the boy who can make me smile whenever i feel sad. the boy who thinks i am and makes me beautiful.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!" jack's voice yelled.

oh shit.

sorry for a shitty chapter. i'm wondering who wrote that letter to zee. hmm.

anywhoosies, bye.

p.s. i'll probably update tonight, or nah tomorrow.