Too Close [RENESMEE AND JACOB]

2

I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe.

Renesmee turned the shower off hesitantly. She wished she could have stayed longer, but if she did so, she would be running late. The last thing she wanted to was not to be on time. Growing up with vampires as family members had taught her to always be as precise and punctual as possible.

She needed some time to herself. The lack of privacy at the Cullen house and the cottage were too much for her to handle sometimes. At least in the bathroom, no one would really dare to follow her and disrupt her.

The steam of the shower helped her relax. Bathing herself was something she could never go on without. It made her connect more with her human half. Sometimes it sucked being a vampire-human lovechild hybrid. She had never wished she was born. But then again who had?

Downstairs, Edward was pacing back and forth reading Renesmee's mind. He and Jasper were fully aware of what was really going on with the hybrid. Jasper, the empath, could sense the confusion that was clouding the mind of his niece.

"I'm not sure that she should go out with him tonight," Edward muttered. Anyone would think he was simply being an overprotective parent. If only they knew what really went through his daughter's mind.

"Let her go!", Esme exclaimed, obviously not quite understanding his concerns, "Don't ruin it for her!"

Just then, Renesmee descended down the stairs, wearing a chemise with jeans. The family could see that she clearly hadn't put a lot of effort in her appearance. Her face could change to the way she wanted it to be, but her eyes would always tell the truth.

Renesmee pretended to dust off invisible speaks from her chemise, trying hard to hide the ball of nerves that was stuck in her throat. If she could, she would have made herself sick. But the thought of the smell of vomit was repulsing enough and had even made Edward cringe at it.

Bella raised her eyebrow, evidently worried about her only child. When wasn't she? "Will you be alright?"

Renesmee looked at her askew, "Mom, it's just a movie and a dinner. No big deal."

The mother sighed. Her daughter really seemed to be trying too hard to fool everybody... including herself. Why was she going out with Jacob if she didn't feel anything for him?

Just then, Jacob arrived in the car he had fixed up for himself. He was an independent man and refused to receive expensive gifts from the Cullens, who had proposed to help him afford his own place and vehicles. He had politely declined, wanting to prove his worth, especially to Renesmee. Not that he needed to. She had already put him on a pedestal.

The movie part had been kind of easy - no talking, eyes focused on the screen. Jacob hadn't even dared to make a move, until the finale when he had moved his hand so that his fingers could touch Renesmee's. The panic at that moment had caused her to shift her focus on the lump in her throat that had come back instead of on the movie.

The same couldn't have been said for the dinner part. Throughout the whole time, Jacob would drop subtle hints of how he felt towards Renesmee. He desperately wanted to be the winner and have the amazing girl in his arms. The trauma of unrequited first love he had faced as a teenager had turned him into an overly competitive adult, which was causing him more harm than good, but he was too blinded by his ambitions to realize it.

Renesmee tried to smile and laugh at his jokes, as usual. Alas, it was harder than usual. He seemed so... different. He didn't remind her of the person who had been next to her every single day of her life as she grew older and older. It was like she was sitting with a stranger.

And when they had kissed for goodnight... God, it had felt so wrong! She knew her family would try and argue with her about her not being honest neither with herself nor with Jacob. It was her business, not theirs.

She ended up falling asleep as soon as her head hit her pillow. All she wanted was to forget that that night had ever happened.