Someone Like You

Chapter 8

  

~ Chapter Eight ~

Another wave begins its build. This time, it’s a wave of emotional fear. The familiar panic overcomes me as I’m losing control in a deep passionate kiss with a man that I barely know. His kisses are seductive, luxurious, and dangerous. Yes, he treats me like a priceless jewel, but my deep rooted fears of losing everyone I love begins to surface. I know these fears are irrational and unwarranted, but they seep into my mind possessing my thoughts as tears threaten to well up.

Familiar thoughts of devastation, loneliness, and my self-worth are too much to risk, too much to bear. If there’s been one thing I’ve learn, it’s that good things just don’t happen to me. When someone is too good to be true, they are. I’m caught up in a fantasy that has been so amazing, but that’s all it is: a fantasy. It’s not sustainable and I’ve let it go too far! What have I done? I’m turning circles in my mind.

Tears stream down my cheeks.

“What is it Audrey? Are you hurt?” His warm muscular arms hold me as he sits back in the chair.

Hugging him tight around the neck, I try to reign in my panic and think rationally.

What am I going to do? I’m falling for this man and I’m going to get hurt. Everyone I love leaves me one way or another. Dad, Mum, Grandad, Nan, Uncle Will, Auntie Liv, and Aiden. I can’t bear losing anyone else! I’m running circles in my mind.

My heart aches. My chest burns. I’ve got to control my breathing. I’ve got to protect my heart. I’ve got to let go. I’ve got to create some distance to think.

“What is it? You’re scaring me Luv, you’re shaking.”

“I feel a bit dizzy. I think…I’m just overwhelmed, maybe hungry or dehydrated. I’ll be fine.”

“You need to eat. We will go across the street to Jasper’s for a bite.”

“No! I mean I’d rather get a quick bite since I have loads of work to finish today.”

“Where ever you want to go, name it.” Smoothing my hair over my shoulder, he asks, “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Jamie, you are the sweetest guy, truly. But I-” I can’t find the words to explain my fear. Instead I struggle to swallow the expanding painful lump stuck in my throat. “I’m fine, really. Let’s eat.”

We agree on the deli across the street and stand in line waiting for our sandwiches. I can tell Jamie is upset as he stands in awkward silence with his hands in his pocket and his lips pressed in a tight straight line.

“You never agreed to stay with me tonight.” Jamie’s voice sounded stiff and disappointed.

Oh, so this is the reason for the awkward silence. Quickly I formulate a plausible reason.

“I’m just not sure if I’ll finish all of my work today. I may need to work late.” Dipping my head down, trying to hide my disappointment, mostly in myself for acting like a coward. “I’m sorry, work has been demanding since the start of the new year, due to so many people wanting to publish in record time.”

“Two turkey rolls with provolone on wheat!” the man yells out from behind the counter.

“That’s us.” Jamie says dryly and collects our order. Looking around the room I spot a table by the window for us to eat. We chat stiffly about the weather, the pub, and the Bristol match on the telly tonight, razzing each other about who’s the best team in the league.