Treading Water

35 - Turbulent Waters

Emerson's POV

"You what?" I couldn't believe my ears.  Surely they were playing tricks on me, it was a joke or maybe a bad dream.  Could the love of my life have really just said that??

"Emerson, love, I said..."

"Fuck that, Arden.  I heard what you said!  You can't be serious?" I screamed at him, climbing off the bed to retrieve my dress and jacket, "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I wanted you to be safe, Ems.  I was thinking he was an unpredictable junkie who was responsible for the biggest event that changed your life!  It almost cost you your life.  Emerson..."

"No....stop!  I can't hear this right now," I stop dressing to look up at him, his eyes are filled with despair and heartache, no doubt brought on by my reaction, but as my hearts picks up speed, it's beats feeling like it will fly out of my chest at any moment, my 'flight' reaction kicks in and I need room to breathe.  With only one destination in mind, I turn quickly and head for the door.

"Emerson, wait,' he chases me up, grabbing my hand and drawing me nearer to him.  I hastily pull back, staring at his hand like some foreign object.

"Please don't touch me right now," I state as calmly as I can muster, my voice quivering as I hold off on the feelings that are ready to burst through the flood gates like turbulent waters, "I just need some time to myself to process this, Arden, please."

I turn away again, this time he doesn't follow me, which I am grateful for.  My mind is operating in overdrive as I race back up the stairs and through the bar, brushing off Malachi as I make my way out the door to my car.  With silent tears starting to make their way down my place face, I climb into my car, take a quick glance to see Arden standing in the doorway of Clover as I drive away.  I know he's probably panicking, I know I'm hurting him and I don't want that, but I need the distance.  

I make my way to the cemetery, my mother being the only person I can speak to right now.  The gravity of the situation weighing heavily on my shoulders as I make my way to Mum's headstone.  I love Arden with every part of me and killed someone.  Killed someone for me.  What do I do with that?

"Hi Mum.... I'm sorry I don't visit too often, a lot has been happening.  A lot has changed.  I miss you so, so much." 

I feel lost, lonely and confused.  Where do I start?  I sacrificed dancing to fix my relationship.... I developed a relationship with Arden's family in Ireland, only to lose one of them in death.... how about the fact that I can no longer see a future that Arden isn't in.... or do I hit mum hard with the latest bomb, Casey, the man responsible for her death, has finally paid his price?  I sit down, cross my legs and get comfortable, it seems I have a lot to work through.

Arden's POV

Fuck.  That went about as well as I could have expected.  Standing here, watching her drive away has got to be the hardest thing I have ever done, but I could tell, I could see it in her eyes.  I would have done more damage to us if I had tried to stop her, if I had tried to follow her.  I overwhelmed her and I wish i had better prepared both her and myself before sharing this, but I made a promise, one I intend to keep should she let me remain in her life.  Fuck, I hope she does.  I will do whatever it takes to have her allow me to wake up next to her everyday for the rest of my pitiful life if I have too, I wont lose her.  I can't lose her.

"Lost your touch already Boss?" Malachi called out from behind me, chuckling to himself.  Releasing the deep breath I had been holding, secretly waiting for Emerson to turn around and come back, I walk straight past him and out to my office, slamming the door behind me.  It was only minutes later than Kai came into the office, closing the door behind him.